How Homeschooling Turned Me Upside Down
Tuesday, April 9, 2013 at 5:00AM
A lot has been rattling around in my brain about this lifestyle we have chosen.
I have already decided that I much prefer being "weird" , as opposed to what the world defines as normal.
What I am feeling more and more compelled to share is how the decision to homeschool really turned me upside down.
That's right. It wasn't an easy transition.
(Remember, I had a third grader and a 4 year old when we took the plunge.)
In fact, in many ways I went kicking and screaming.
How It "Should Have Been"
In my world of 5 years ago things should have been much simpler.
I was preparing to be a mom whose children were in school full time. Once they were settled in school I was going to finish my basement and open a larger piano studio, also giving mommy and me music lesson for young children during the day.
With all of this additional income we were going to make improvements in our home, and do a million other things on my list.
I secretly longed for the days when both of my children would hop on the bus and then I could have the day to myself.
I dreamed of pursuing MY goals and dreams. I naively thought the "hard" work of mothering would be behind me once my children reached Kindergarten.
Wow. How flawed was my thinking?
How many times did you read "I" in what I just wrote?
As I look back I'm ashamed at my view of how life was supposed to be. It was shallow, uninformed, and quite frankly - SELFISH.
How My Life Was Turned Upside Down
After a series of events too long and boring to recount, we finally heeded God's call to bring our children home for school.
I KNEW it was the right thing to do, but it was HARD.
How so? Here are just a few of the adjustments I had to make (remember, I'm telling you I was selfish back then - but maybe you can relate to some of the adjustments, too):
- no more time to clean my house in peace while the kids were at school - my house was suddenly messy and chaotic
- kids were with me CONSTANTLY - hard for this mom that loves QUIET to handle
- a loss of mom friendships - moms I had been friends with who had kids in school stopping calling
- I had nothing left to give my husband at the end of the day - homeschool wore me out
- I gained 40 lbs. - we did a lot of cooking and baking that first year of homeschool
- no "me time" to shop around during the day, stop for coffee with a friend, or attend that morning Bible study at church
- sometimes feeing "left out" at family and social gatherings - so many people assume I'm just always in charge of the kids since I am with them all the time - many times adult conversation just seems to pass me by
- criticism from a friend or two I had considered close - seeing their true colors hurt (I recall reading one friend's Facebook status on the first day of school - she wrote that her child remarked it was good he got to do "kid things" at school while his mom got to do "mom things" all day long. I remember feeling so sad - because our society is all about separating families from such a young age. I was also hurt because I knew this was directed at me. My skin got a lot thicker that day and I learned a lot about friendship, too.
Life as I had known it changed. It was a difficult adjustment.
I often say that I wish I would have had the wisdom to homeschool my children from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn't have gone through this difficult adjustment.
Truth is, though - I think the adjustment was GOOD and NECESSARY for me.
Never in my life have I made a change that took such commitment, effort, perseverance, and courage.
Homeschooling moms let me tell you this:
You are courageous and wonderful. Don't be too hard on yourself. Homeschooling is not for the feint of heart. You are brave, strong, and a trail blazer. You are creating a legacy for your children that MATTERS.
Stay the course. Give yourself (and your children) grace on the bad days, and celebrate the good days. Remember you are the authority on your children. While others claim they know what is best, God gifted your children to YOU for a reason.
Lessons Learned
Most of those adjustment I listed above are now POSITIVES in my life.
My messy house doesn't bother me.
I am thankful to be with my kids all the time. I know them so much better than if they were away at school all day.
I've learned to manage my time better - to make time for my husband FIRST and I've taken off a lot of that extra weight!
I have made new friends that love me and support our homeschooling choice. Most of my good friends also homeschool, too.
I've discovered a new mission - one of encouraging and sharing ideas with homeschool moms through this blog. I am abundantly thankful for this community!
I realize that there will be many years when my children are gone (and I will be sad) to pursue my dreams and whatever else I thought I was missing when I was homeschooling.
{Oh, and you don't have to be friends with everyone on Facebook.}
God has called me in the here and now to disciple these children. They are entrusted to be for but a brief time and I need to be sure I get it RIGHT.
How can I ever express my thankfulness for these two human beings that refine me on a daily basis?
How could I ever entrust half of their day to strangers?
Yes, homeschooling turned me upside down.
Guess what?
I NEEDED to be turned upside down.
I was living according to the world's definition of right side up.
While it hasn't been easy to make this adjustment, it has definitely been worth it.
I hope you feel the same.
And if you are on the fence about homeschool, let me encourage you. This will be the hardest and most rewarding transition of your life.
But I KNOW you can do it.
Reader Comments (39)
Another heartfelt post, Mary! I'm with you on this one! :-)
I had an "I wanna throw in the towel!" day yesterday. While reading this, I realized my thoughts were full of that I I I mentality. I wanted to go back to when my kids were in school all day so I could actually get something done that I wanted to do! Thank you for the reminder of why we do what we do!! God Bless You!
You captured so many of my thoughts and emotions in this post. My girls were in 2nd grade and 4th grade when they came out of school and the transition the parents go through is often overlooked. Like you I lost "friends" but I gained a whole new perspective on family. I am really enjoying your writing. It is the perfect start to my day!
"You are creating a legacy for your children that MATTERS." Thank you Mary! And hooray for being turned upside down. Something to be truly grateful for - as you shared.
Wow! I could have been the one to write those words! We are just over our one year mark. :)
Dear Mary, love what you are sharing as always. I feel EXACTLY the same. My younger child was in preschool so I'd had just the taste of hours to myself. Quiet walks, browsing stores, breakfast dates with my husband... But you are so right--this life IS hard but is COMPLETELY worth it. The family relationships we all share now I would give up anything to protect. I have grown as a person and though I was totally against it at first I'm so grateful now.
We began our journey with homeschooling when our oldest was in third grade also! I love your post. Thank you for sharing your heart. What a blessing you are to the newbies and homeschooling community.
Blessings, Dawn
Beautiful! I feel upside down with the addition of baby #3. The noise by far it the hardest part right now. That and I'm NEVER alone. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Its such a privilege to spend the days with my sweet boys. Thanks for sharing a piece of your heart.
Good morning! I love, love, love this post!!! I have followed your web site for a while and enjoyed your postings, especially the LEGO info. :) I also have two kids, older girl and younger boy, about the same ages as you. This is my 6th year and around this time I start feeling tired and ready to be done, not only with this year but with homeschooling! I start to re-evaluate our decisions - should we change this or that curriculum, add or take away more activities or just send them to school to give them what I feel like I am not able to here at home?? Then I read your post and realize we are exactly where we need to be! Most of our issues stem from my continued selfishness - much better than if I had them in school but I still don't give it my best all the time. ;) Thanks for this honest look at homeschooling - I always tell people that this has been more of a journey for me than for my kids and I feel like God called us to this so we could ALL learn and grow. Hope you have a great day!
Well put. I completely agree there are things that change. I've been homeschooling since 2002 and it's been crazy.
Thank you for this.... today. I needed to hear it at this moment! I'm still on the fence... but I don't think I'm really on the fence. I'm afraid. Afraid for many of the reasons you listed (and have thought myself selfish when I look at my list of "cons".). But many of the other things are already beginning to happen after just thinking about homeschooling out loud. Friends not calling, friends not including my kids in things anymore, judgements being passed on, unkind things being said.... so when I really listen to my heart, I don't want to be normal or "right-side up" either ;) But then again... I've never been "normal" and I liked it that way... so why try so hard now?! Thank you for the encouragement I really needed to hear today! Jumping in with 4 kids of all different ages and stages is slightly terrifying, but exciting all at the same time! Your posts seem to really hit where I'm at lately and I thank you for sharing.
Exactly!! Wonderful message to all homeschool parents. We all love to be supportive and caring, but I'm always afraid that we just share the good stuff and forget to remind each other that this is hard and a lot of work. Our families are worth every bit of the hard work, and I agree that I'm so grateful for the amazing friends I've made on this journey. Thank you for this -- I'm sharing it with everyone I know!!
Thanks for the encouragement. We had a very long day yesterday.......algebra...12 year old boy-Monday-bad combination. I am thankful for your positive words to remind me of why we are on this journey as a family.
Another very timely post. We were just discussing how things have changed in our relationships with others in the past 15 months of homeschooling. Thanks for being able to speak the words that we all so often feel.
Can we get a witness? AMEN MY SISTA!
If a family is led to homeschool, it is for a reason. Likely, those reasons won't be fully comprehended until viewed in hindsight! I am struggling right now to work on my own character flaws that are being highlighted by my children's habits. Even though benefits for our children are often what lead us to it, homeschooling isn't just good for the kids, it's good for the whole family. Thank you for this reminder. Being weird is great!
Thank you for this post. I am still in the middle of being turned upside down. Ive been very close to giving up and sending my oldest to school. I'm glad to hear that its not always easy for other homeschool moms who seem to have it all together. I just keep hoping that year #2 will be easier. I appreciate your encouragement to all of us new comers
I agree! I went thru a similar transition when I took my daughter out of public school to homeschool. But now I LOVE it! When people ask me why I homeschool, I sincerely say, "I really enjoy hanging out w/ my kids all the time!" Love your blog!
I don't consider your lifestyle to be weird. I admire your transparency, and you are helping me wrap my mind around homeschooling. As my home based business grows, I find myself thinking about how I can balance homeschool with a thriving business. It's good stuff! You are a wonderful woman and a wonderful Mom!
What a lovely post, Mary. I can hardly believe that you were ever selfish. Funny how the Holy Spirit can shake things up, isn't it?
I remember back when we first started homeschooling our neighbor told my children (ages 5 and 7) that they were going to go to jail!
Homeschoolers are a peculiar people! I'm so glad we're weird!
Beautiful post, Mary! I am very much with you on this. I have frequently remarked on how much I've changed and grown on this homeschool journey of ours.
Thank you. I needed this today!
Another beautiful post, Mary!
After having a day where everything seems to be going not the way "I" wanted it, I was feeling a bit down until reading your wonderful thoughts! I too am suffering from the "I's" and I didn't see it til you pointed it out. Don't you just LOVE how God leads you right where you need to be? I do feel so fortunate to be able to spend my days with my boys too and even on the not so great days would not change it for the world :-)
I just started following you and I wanted to say thank you for sharing your heart. We did start homeschooling right away, however I have days when I watch the bus drive by and wonder what life would be like if I could clean in peace, etc, etc. It helps to know that I am not the only selfish one out there. With that being said I wouldn't trade any of it for anything!! I look forward to browsing you blog and gathering more goodies!
"I remember feeling so sad - because our society is all about separating families from such a young age."
It's a shame really. Sometimes makes you wonder where the whole 'I' mentality comes from, or at least why it's so much more prevalent in our nation than in others.