How Homeschooling Turned Me Upside Down
Tuesday, April 9, 2013 at 5:00AM
A lot has been rattling around in my brain about this lifestyle we have chosen.
I have already decided that I much prefer being "weird" , as opposed to what the world defines as normal.
What I am feeling more and more compelled to share is how the decision to homeschool really turned me upside down.
That's right. It wasn't an easy transition.
(Remember, I had a third grader and a 4 year old when we took the plunge.)
In fact, in many ways I went kicking and screaming.
How It "Should Have Been"
In my world of 5 years ago things should have been much simpler.
I was preparing to be a mom whose children were in school full time. Once they were settled in school I was going to finish my basement and open a larger piano studio, also giving mommy and me music lesson for young children during the day.
With all of this additional income we were going to make improvements in our home, and do a million other things on my list.
I secretly longed for the days when both of my children would hop on the bus and then I could have the day to myself.
I dreamed of pursuing MY goals and dreams. I naively thought the "hard" work of mothering would be behind me once my children reached Kindergarten.
Wow. How flawed was my thinking?
How many times did you read "I" in what I just wrote?
As I look back I'm ashamed at my view of how life was supposed to be. It was shallow, uninformed, and quite frankly - SELFISH.
How My Life Was Turned Upside Down
After a series of events too long and boring to recount, we finally heeded God's call to bring our children home for school.
I KNEW it was the right thing to do, but it was HARD.
How so? Here are just a few of the adjustments I had to make (remember, I'm telling you I was selfish back then - but maybe you can relate to some of the adjustments, too):
- no more time to clean my house in peace while the kids were at school - my house was suddenly messy and chaotic
- kids were with me CONSTANTLY - hard for this mom that loves QUIET to handle
- a loss of mom friendships - moms I had been friends with who had kids in school stopping calling
- I had nothing left to give my husband at the end of the day - homeschool wore me out
- I gained 40 lbs. - we did a lot of cooking and baking that first year of homeschool
- no "me time" to shop around during the day, stop for coffee with a friend, or attend that morning Bible study at church
- sometimes feeing "left out" at family and social gatherings - so many people assume I'm just always in charge of the kids since I am with them all the time - many times adult conversation just seems to pass me by
- criticism from a friend or two I had considered close - seeing their true colors hurt (I recall reading one friend's Facebook status on the first day of school - she wrote that her child remarked it was good he got to do "kid things" at school while his mom got to do "mom things" all day long. I remember feeling so sad - because our society is all about separating families from such a young age. I was also hurt because I knew this was directed at me. My skin got a lot thicker that day and I learned a lot about friendship, too.
Life as I had known it changed. It was a difficult adjustment.
I often say that I wish I would have had the wisdom to homeschool my children from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn't have gone through this difficult adjustment.
Truth is, though - I think the adjustment was GOOD and NECESSARY for me.
Never in my life have I made a change that took such commitment, effort, perseverance, and courage.
Homeschooling moms let me tell you this:
You are courageous and wonderful. Don't be too hard on yourself. Homeschooling is not for the feint of heart. You are brave, strong, and a trail blazer. You are creating a legacy for your children that MATTERS.
Stay the course. Give yourself (and your children) grace on the bad days, and celebrate the good days. Remember you are the authority on your children. While others claim they know what is best, God gifted your children to YOU for a reason.
Lessons Learned
Most of those adjustment I listed above are now POSITIVES in my life.
My messy house doesn't bother me.
I am thankful to be with my kids all the time. I know them so much better than if they were away at school all day.
I've learned to manage my time better - to make time for my husband FIRST and I've taken off a lot of that extra weight!
I have made new friends that love me and support our homeschooling choice. Most of my good friends also homeschool, too.
I've discovered a new mission - one of encouraging and sharing ideas with homeschool moms through this blog. I am abundantly thankful for this community!
I realize that there will be many years when my children are gone (and I will be sad) to pursue my dreams and whatever else I thought I was missing when I was homeschooling.
{Oh, and you don't have to be friends with everyone on Facebook.}
God has called me in the here and now to disciple these children. They are entrusted to be for but a brief time and I need to be sure I get it RIGHT.
How can I ever express my thankfulness for these two human beings that refine me on a daily basis?
How could I ever entrust half of their day to strangers?
Yes, homeschooling turned me upside down.
Guess what?
I NEEDED to be turned upside down.
I was living according to the world's definition of right side up.
While it hasn't been easy to make this adjustment, it has definitely been worth it.
I hope you feel the same.
And if you are on the fence about homeschool, let me encourage you. This will be the hardest and most rewarding transition of your life.
But I KNOW you can do it.
Reader Comments (39)
Good for you! While I always suspected we'd homeschool, I still kinda feel nostalgic for what might have been. However, I do find myself realizing that I'd never send him to public or private school and that despite my similar to your need for quiet, I'd miss him if he were gone.
So much truth in this, Mary. I was just mulling over the same thoughts and then I read your post. The "I" mentality is so prevalent in our society. What makes "me" happy is everywhere. I'll never forget going to a parenting seminar years ago and hearing - "Whatever your hobbies are can wait for now. Your children can't. And you'll have plenty of time when they are grown to pick up your hobbies again." That is in stark contrast to what our society tells us. Thanks for sharing your struggles and triumphs so beautifully.
Oh. My. Goodness. You lived the life I am living now! Our children are 8 & 4 and this is our first year homeschooling. I have said over and over how amazed I am at the way God has changed me through this year. I never in a million years thought I would love (LOVE) homeschooling the way I do. I, too, was looking forward to the day when I could put both my kids on the bus and have my selfish me-time. I, too, am a quiet, organized introvert who has had to adjust my expectations and learn to live with a certain amount of chaos. :) And I LOVE being with my kids now!
Thank you for such an encouraging post!
I just had a serious case of the "I should haves". It was the week that we were all sick and I felt like the walls were closing in on us and we had very little contact with the outside world. Thankfully, my husband was the only one not to get sick and consequently could talk me down from the ledge of sending the kids back to public school.
Then I read my blog (after having not been on it for two whole weeks because of the sickness and recovery) and reading about the time that we spend together, the things that we do as a family, the lessons we've learned (the kids and me) public school seemed absolutely absurd.
I hate the separation of families also but I also think it is a shame how the kids are made to grow up so fast from the age of 5!! So actually kids going off to school are not truly doing "kid" things, their expected to do and are exposed to much much more than what I personally feel little kids should have to deal with and do.
Oh my. All of that sounds shockingly familiar. We had all of that upheaval in the beginning (ten years ago), and I'm going through it again right now as I am struggling with being a FT stay-at-home mom too. I had always worked PT in the evenings, and in Nov 2011 I finally quit my job to be home for good. It's been a rough adjustment--for them and for me. I need peace and quiet to think, and I have three boys who talk INCESSANTLY. Even my husband has asked if they ever shut up! LOL I literally have to shove them out the door for a little peace some days. BUT! All four are preteens/teenagers now, and except for a rough patch with #2, they've all continued to talk to and at me. I shudder to think what it might have been like in public school.
For all the trade-offs we make to have this lifestyle, it's worth it in the end.
I am in the midst of approaching being turned upside down (if that makes any sense LOL) as we will be transitioning from my 1st grader being at public school to a university model school with 3 days of school at home. And I know it is from God because He has already completely turned my perspective upside down and it is sooooo stinkin' beautiful!!! and scary:)
We had a rough transition, too, the biggest being the loss of friends without new ones for a year. But the rough stuff was never about me and the girls so we just kept plowing through being happy we weren't getting up at 6:30a every morning. And now after 2 1/2 years, we've settled in nicely like you guys. I've shed lots of selfish, too, and see amazing ways God has worked in me. Thanks for sharing.
I am just reading this Mary, but I can tell you I needed this to read this today more than ever. I have wrestled w / the letting go of a vision of myself that is now being reinvented bc of the call to homeschool my children. It's been a breaking of my will and a harder surrender than I ever imagined, but its reveiling the ugly I have burried deep within. TY for being so candid in this post. This is definitely a keeper for those hard days. Big hugs!!!!!
I am so at this point right now... scared to death... shaking in my seat... asking myself what the heck am I doing.... and going through all the "I"s as well. I am going to homeschool my daughter Pre-K to see if I am up for this journey. I have a ten month old son and a baby due in December - sometimes I ask myself am I crazy, can I really do it?? I just left the big city, working in the corporate world to live in a small town and become a stay at home mom. I find alot of comfort online reading other homeschool moms blogs, it is very encouraging and really makes me step back and look at my decision I am making for my children. My husband is supportive and tells me I can do and even he can help but sometimes at the end of a day when he gets home I'm like seriously I need a timeout lol Thank you for sharing your story.
Cathy
Wow. I'm not quite sure how I found your blog, but I'm so thankful I did! I have a 16, 14, 10 and 2 year-old, and this is our first year of homeschooling. I have to say, I've done a lot of kicking myself and feeling regret for not starting this journey from the beginning, but God is revealing to me that there was a reason we went through all the public school junk. One positive of trying p.s. is that now I am SO THANKFUL to have my kids home, and no matter what kind of day we have, it's ALWAYS better than where we've been.
I'm seeing myself change , also, for the better. Even though everywhere I look, I see people doubting and criticizing what we're doing, I feel strong in this decision! I thank God for giving us discernment.
Thank you so much for this post. My children are 2 and 4. I had a feeling homeschooling was going to be our route and it terrified me. I think mainly because I also had plans - I need that time for me and to focus on my career. I realized, now, that everything else will come in it's own time. I'm investing in my children. I'm excited to see what kind of adventures we have and I love that my kids LOVE that I'm their teacher.
You totally hit the nail on the head with this one. I'm beginning my home school journey this year for these very reasons
This is an awesome post. Thank you so much!!!
Love this: "I remember feeling so sad - because our society is all about separating families from such a young age".