A lot has been rattling around in my brain about this lifestyle we have chosen.
I have already decided that I much prefer being "weird" , as opposed to what the world defines as normal.
What I am feeling more and more compelled to share is how the decision to homeschool really turned me upside down.
That's right. It wasn't an easy transition.
(Remember, I had a third grader and a 4 year old when we took the plunge.)
In fact, in many ways I went kicking and screaming.
How It "Should Have Been"
In my world of 5 years ago things should have been much simpler.
I was preparing to be a mom whose children were in school full time. Once they were settled in school I was going to finish my basement and open a larger piano studio, also giving mommy and me music lesson for young children during the day.
With all of this additional income we were going to make improvements in our home, and do a million other things on my list.
I secretly longed for the days when both of my children would hop on the bus and then I could have the day to myself.
I dreamed of pursuing MY goals and dreams. I naively thought the "hard" work of mothering would be behind me once my children reached Kindergarten.
Wow. How flawed was my thinking?
How many times did you read "I" in what I just wrote?
As I look back I'm ashamed at my view of how life was supposed to be. It was shallow, uninformed, and quite frankly - SELFISH.
How My Life Was Turned Upside Down
After a series of events too long and boring to recount, we finally heeded God's call to bring our children home for school.
I KNEW it was the right thing to do, but it was HARD.
How so? Here are just a few of the adjustments I had to make (remember, I'm telling you I was selfish back then - but maybe you can relate to some of the adjustments, too):
- no more time to clean my house in peace while the kids were at school - my house was suddenly messy and chaotic
- kids were with me CONSTANTLY - hard for this mom that loves QUIET to handle
- a loss of mom friendships - moms I had been friends with who had kids in school stopping calling
- I had nothing left to give my husband at the end of the day - homeschool wore me out
- I gained 40 lbs. - we did a lot of cooking and baking that first year of homeschool
- no "me time" to shop around during the day, stop for coffee with a friend, or attend that morning Bible study at church
- sometimes feeing "left out" at family and social gatherings - so many people assume I'm just always in charge of the kids since I am with them all the time - many times adult conversation just seems to pass me by
- criticism from a friend or two I had considered close - seeing their true colors hurt (I recall reading one friend's Facebook status on the first day of school - she wrote that her child remarked it was good he got to do "kid things" at school while his mom got to do "mom things" all day long. I remember feeling so sad - because our society is all about separating families from such a young age. I was also hurt because I knew this was directed at me. My skin got a lot thicker that day and I learned a lot about friendship, too.
Life as I had known it changed. It was a difficult adjustment.
I often say that I wish I would have had the wisdom to homeschool my children from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn't have gone through this difficult adjustment.
Truth is, though - I think the adjustment was GOOD and NECESSARY for me.
Never in my life have I made a change that took such commitment, effort, perseverance, and courage.
Homeschooling moms let me tell you this:
You are courageous and wonderful. Don't be too hard on yourself. Homeschooling is not for the feint of heart. You are brave, strong, and a trail blazer. You are creating a legacy for your children that MATTERS.
Stay the course. Give yourself (and your children) grace on the bad days, and celebrate the good days. Remember you are the authority on your children. While others claim they know what is best, God gifted your children to YOU for a reason.
Lessons Learned
Most of those adjustment I listed above are now POSITIVES in my life.
My messy house doesn't bother me.
I am thankful to be with my kids all the time. I know them so much better than if they were away at school all day.
I've learned to manage my time better - to make time for my husband FIRST and I've taken off a lot of that extra weight!
I have made new friends that love me and support our homeschooling choice. Most of my good friends also homeschool, too.
I've discovered a new mission - one of encouraging and sharing ideas with homeschool moms through this blog. I am abundantly thankful for this community!
I realize that there will be many years when my children are gone (and I will be sad) to pursue my dreams and whatever else I thought I was missing when I was homeschooling.
{Oh, and you don't have to be friends with everyone on Facebook.}
God has called me in the here and now to disciple these children. They are entrusted to be for but a brief time and I need to be sure I get it RIGHT.
How can I ever express my thankfulness for these two human beings that refine me on a daily basis?
How could I ever entrust half of their day to strangers?
Yes, homeschooling turned me upside down.
Guess what?
I NEEDED to be turned upside down.
I was living according to the world's definition of right side up.
While it hasn't been easy to make this adjustment, it has definitely been worth it.
I hope you feel the same.
And if you are on the fence about homeschool, let me encourage you. This will be the hardest and most rewarding transition of your life.
But I KNOW you can do it.