When Being Normal Looks Weird - A Message to the Critics
Wednesday, April 3, 2013 at 5:00AM
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Have you ever felt like you are the only "normal" one left?
Are you maybe the only one in your family who homeschools? Are you the only homeschoolers in your church? Maybe you are the only ones in your community.
Sometimes I have just thrown my hands up to my husband and said, "Are we the only NORMAL ones left?"
Recently, at The Great Homeschool Convention, we listened to a panel of Classical educators moderated by Andrew Kern.
A story was told by Martin Cothran that went something like this (I'm paraphrasing here, but you will get the general idea.):
In Australia there was a rugby match where all of the players were naked. In the middle of the game, a fully clothed spectator went running across the field.
Sometimes it seems as if WE, as homeschoolers, are that fully clothed spectator.
We get the feeling that being the only normal one left is weird, but as enlightened individuals we must stay the course and do what we know is best for our own children. After all, this new "normal" of compulsory schooling and assembly line education hasn't been around all that long. Educating your children at home used to be the way things were done.
Thinking deep thoughts about worthy ideals used to be in vogue. Reading REAL books used to be the norm.
You get the point...
This story hit home with my husband and I at the convention.
It really hit home, however, just a few days ago.
In a series of unrelated events, we received criticism of our choice to homeschool (directly and indirectly).
We are LONG past caring what others think of our decision to homeschool. After four years of doing this we KNOW this is the best path for our children, just as a parent that sends their child to school knows the best path for their child.
After all, we shouldn't do things to please others. We do not believe in conforming to the world.
I didn't realize just how far we had evolved in our thinking until just recently. I was put in a position to articulate why we homeschool to a critic, and (if I must say so) I did a good job. After all, I consider myself a homeschool ambassador.
I tried to pepper my words with grace and a remembrance of the time when I didn't quite understand why in the world someone would want to HOMESCHOOL.
People criticize what they don't know or understand, and sometimes what intimidates or threatens them.
When someone takes the time to criticize our decision as homeschoolers it tells me they either have too much time on their hands, or are woefully uninformed. I know, because this was once the way I behaved.
So my friends, the next time that neighbor, family member, or "friend" criticizes you (either to your face or behind your back), please remember the naked rugby tournament.
The next time you hear things like:
"Their children are so sheltered they won't be prepared for the real world. How are they going to learn to relate to other kids their own age? "
"You don't let your kids watch cable?"
"Do you really LIKE homeschooling?" (I actually got that one just a few days ago)
or (my personal favorite)
"Aren't you depriving the world of what your child has to offer?"
- please remember what you are doing takes courage, sacrifice, and an obedience many people do not understand.
When I look at this picture, I remember a time (four years ago) when we were at a crossroads.
My daughter had been crammed into the historically under-served "middle" in her public school classroom. Her once enthusiastic learning spirit had been squashed little by little. She didn't want to go to school because of a few mean girls in her class. She was only allowed to choose books from a certain shelf in the library because they were at her "reading level" (I knew she could read harder material, but they didn't give her the chance.).
My son was thriving in a four year old preschool program at our church. I was literally sick thinking about putting him in public school Kindergarten and watching him go through the same equalization process. He was so very bright and precocious, too - if he didn't get a very patient, loving teacher he would probably spend the entire year in time out.
Words from my time in graduate school for Educational Leadership kept ringing in my head:
"Schools are built for the adults that work in them, not the children."
That is when we just knew we had to make a change.
We needed to return to NORMAL.
I wish I would have known then what I do know about choosing to homeschool.
It isn't our job to make the critics understand; it is our job to raise these precious souls that have been entrusted to us in the best way we know how.
What we are doing by home educating our children is so normal it just appears weird.
My favorite scripture during these times of criticism is James 1: 2-4:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
I like to meditate on these verses often. They keep me grounded and thankful.
We are running a most worthy race, and if we persevere, we will lack nothing.
Remember - it's ok to look "weird" - you know you're really NORMAL.
Reader Comments (21)
Oh, my friend, you once again speak so clearly and so well, piercing through to the very core of the truth. Yes, criticism comes from many sources in many ways and it is sometimes hard to not waver in our convictions. It is hard to be different, but oh, so rewarding.
Oh you made me remember when Lilah was in 2nd grade. I tested her myself and knew she was reading at a 4th grade level at least but she would bring home drivel to read. Puppy Playhouse and Dolly's Big Adventure. Fluff. Then her report card came home with a 2 for inference. I never questioned the teachers before about grading but I did ask about this. Her reply was "well I have not taught it yet." I told her not to assume because something has not been "taught" it has not already been learned. That was the final straw and Lilah was done with school a few weeks later.
I will take this normal any day.
Great post!
My pastor has said more than once than when people ask him if he is afraid his kids will be labeled as "weird" because of their faith, morals, etc., he says, "No, we just teach our kids that everybody else is weird." I just always thought that was so funny, and true!
Honestly, I think others' criticism is jealousy. I have encountered that more than once. But just last night I was reminded, AGAIN (like I need reminding), why I homeschool my kiddos. The kids and I went to a public school assembly in another town with our neighbor (who is a Title I teacher at our public elementary school) and her son. It was a reptile show. She and I were discussing the public school in our town and she was telling me that they are a failing school and about how many of the teachers do not care enough to actually teach their individual students and how BEHIND many of the second graders are in reading. She is working so hard to make a difference, but she is only one woman. I was so happy to be sitting there with my kids at an educational event in the evening, BY CHOICE, when we had done a couple of hours of school that morning and then taken the afternoon off because we would be "doing school" at night.
Excellent post, Mary. And, you're right about people not understanding. I'm now beginning to hear acquaintences start to say they are beginning to think about homeschooling their children but depend on two incomes. That may change as their children get older. Thank you for the great reminder!
Great post, Mary! I would rather be weird to everyone around us than subscribe to their version of normal! I have come such a long way since we made the decision to pull the girls out of school. So much of this post describes exactly how I feel.
Great post, Mary!
Love this, Mary.
Yesterday afternoon at an event with public school kids some completely inappropriate things were said by a few boys to my girl. My daughter and I had a good, deep discussion afterward.
I reflected on the experience and was entirely grateful for the opportunity to homeschool. I am so very glad her education isn't overshadowed by the "socialization" that occurs these days. If behaving respectfully, being excited about learning, and having moral values is weird--bring it on!
This is very powerful Mary. I can't imagine people questioning my Homeschooling Keilee. I have thought about this while reading your post, I think it is because the majority of the people I interact with are homeschoolers. I have 2 best friends who has children in PS and they both applaud my homeschooling and never fail to tell me how lucky I am and how horrible the school system is. I love the analogy about the soccer match and will remember that. GREAT POST!
Mary, Thank you for this WONDERFUL post!! You are a blessing, not only to your family, but to many families who are encouraged by your wonderful words. I had to laugh at, "Are we the only NORMAL ones left?" My husband and I have that conversation more than I care to admit. I really needed to be reminded today, to focus on what we CAN change, and not to stress over what we CAN NOT. Thank You!!
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Thank you for being courageous yourself and sharing these thoughts. We have similar stories - my oldest was bullied in the local public school and I saw her change, literally morph into a girl I didn't know or like! My second daughter was just finishing kindergarten in a private school and I cringed at the idea of sending her to the public school. Then I met Mary (of CC) and she said to me, "If your child were drowning, would you wait to save her?" I'll never forget that, ever. Bless you, Mary for acting as an ambassador.
Excellent post! Makes me think through our journey. We are just finishing up our third year of homeschooling. We have faced many critics. As I look back, I wished I had actually started many years earlier. My oldest had a horrendous third grade year in a private christian school. I remember being so torn at what to do, homeschooling came up but I was just not brave enough to try it yet. Skip ahead 3.5 years when my daughter got up and walked out of her 7th grade honors english class. My husband and I went to the school and all of the probems we had encountered through the years snowballed at that moment. After our meeting with the principal I remember walking to the car with my daughter and she asked me "are we ever coming back" and I said a resounding no! It has been quite a journey but I so wished I had had the guts to pull her out in the third grade!
I certainly hope I have never made a homeschooling parent feel that they or their children were not "normal". As a parent of privately schooled children, I'm struggling with the idea of homeschooling my youngest two (5th grade and 2nd grade). I completely agree that people criticize what isn't familiar or what is intimidating to them. Just the thought of homeschoolign scares me to death, but I'm hoping I can muster the bravery I'll need to do it--for my kids' sake. :) Great post!
You sure hit it with this one. Thanks for this post. It came at a very good time.
God Bless.
YAY! I love this, Mary. Great stuff. I guess my lifeguards, videographer, water polo players, pianists, baker, symphony choir members, guitarists, college grad at 20, restaurant waiters, lovers of the gospel and overly social kids are weird. Whatever.
~Kendra
You know, these type questions just sometimes help us hone and solidify and justify and support our decisions, don't they? Love it. And yes, James 1:2-4 :)
I loved this post! I think you were reading my mind!! I understand how people may question/wonder about homeschooling, but really, the only question I've ever gotten was the "S-word - socialization".
I am currently a freshman in high school, home schooled since 4th grade. When I was in third grade and learning cursive, I taught my first-grade sister and she got in TROUBLE at school for writing in cursive "because first graders don't write cursive"
Its so sad people never ask how my homeschool education is...instead they simply ask about socialization,
Thank you from a first year homeschooler. Many of your posts have been very inspiring.
From where I am now...I can just smile and nod at all the homeschool bashers. My family is happily "normal". I hope my example and experience will change some hearts about the value of homeschooling. Great post Mary.
Amen, Mary! I'm so glad you decided to homeschool. You're a great gift to the homeschooling community! It amazes me that even today with so many choosing to homeschool and all the proof that Homeschoolers score better on tests than public schooled kids that anyone would still dare to criticize it.
Anna and Grant have really grown up since you started!
Thank you for this post! I really connected to your words!
We are in our first year of homeschooling after 8 years in a private christian school. When I released my oldest to his kindergarten teacher (shudder) I trusted her to know what was best for him. After all, she had been teaching for almost 40 years! What could I, a poor lowly veterinary technician know about what my son needed? I smack myself in the head for not listening to my gut all those years ago when she labeled him with social immaturity that would require him to repeat a year.
(He preferred adult conversation instead of socializing with the other children, and tinkering with something something while he worked which was considered "not able to pay attention".)
Although I can say that I wish we had started home school sooner; I also am fully aware that God uses all circumstances to bring good things. Today we are challenged frequently about leaving our church school. We are the "weirdos" who are too good for the local public school. We are broke and can't join in the social events that we used to as a two-income family. But my boys wake up with happy hearts and I am learning to trust that what I have to offer them IS best for them. What someone else may think of us can never take that away!
"Schools are built for the adults who work in them, not the children." ---oh, how very true! This was our experience entirely. The rules were so obviously to make the adults' lives easier, but did nothing for the kids. Even the learning was so streamlined and test-centered the teachers didn't need to deal with any messy creativity or heaven forbid a kid that thought outside the box!