Stop Telling Me Why You Can't Homeschool
Tuesday, March 5, 2013 at 5:00AM
You normally read this blog and things are happy and bright.
Today, however, something is bothering me.
A LOT.
Let me set the stage:
Now that I've been homeschooling several years, people come to me with questions.
LOTS of questions.
I am happy to talk about homeschooling and answer legitmate questions.
I am happy to share our story and encourage you on your journey.
People I randomly meet (or actually already know well) also feel very free, however, to tell me why they CAN'T homeschool.
I think they tell me these things because they assume some things about me.
Let's talk about those.
Common Assumptions About Me:
I Must Have A Lot of Patience
This one is actually laughable. In fact, someone we met at lunch the other day told me she could never homeschool because she doesn't have nearly the patience I do.
I think my eleven year old daughter just about spit her drink out at that one.
I am a very IMPATIENT person. I regularly lose my cool with my kids. I get frustrated when something isn't done on time. I get frustrated if things don't go my way.
But guess what? Homeschooling is teaching me patience, and I think perhaps God called me to homeschool because I am so wretchedly impatient!
Actually, it's easier for people to think I'm some patient sort of saint, because then they can say,
"Well, I'm not nearly as patient as SHE is. There's no way I could homeschool my kids."
That's just a load of junk.
Sorry, but it is.
Please stop telling me you don't have any patience.
I Must Be Incredibly Religious
I would say about 90% of people I encounter think our family homeschools for religious reasons.
Guess what?
That was a motivating factor in our decision, but not THE biggest one.
I just KNEW in my heart I could do it better myself (educate my children).
When the children at my daughter's school were herded into the cafeteria to watch the president address the school children and pump them full of government speak, that was it for us.
I grew up going to public school. I taught in public school.
Public school is a beautiful IDEAL.
I cannot, however, sacrifice my children for an IDEAL.
I've found all of our faiths growing deeper because we are able to spend more time together, spend time appreciating and studying God's word and creation, and just realizing our God given potentials at our own pace.
Therefore, while we don't say we homeschool for religious reasons, we homeschool because we feel this is the path God has chosen for our family.
Please stop telling me you would be the only person homeschooling in your church or family. (I have been in both of those positions, by the way.)
I Want to Shelter My Children
This is another laughable assumption.
I actually want my children to experience MORE of life and that's why I keep them out of school.
I do, however, want to protect them from drugs, sex, bullies, and ideas that promote a radical agenda.
My husband and I feel that in our home we are equipping them (through lots of conversation, faith experiences, and healthy friendships) to stand on their own two feet when they leave our home.
Hopefully our children will be able to defend their faith, make proper choices, and stand up to the evils of this world.
I'm sure they will make mistakes, but they make lots of mistakes right now.
Who doesn't?
Please stop telling me you don't want to shelter your children.
It's Easy for Me To Homeschool Because I Was a Teacher
This is another funny one.
I was an elementary MUSIC teacher.
I never learned to teach a child to read, do long division, or write an essay.
I am really good at singing silly songs, learning about composers, and large crowd control.
The only qualification I have to teach my own children is that they BELONG TO ME!
Please stop telling me you aren't qualified to teach your children (this just makes me sad).
You Must Have Enough Money To Stay At Home
Ok. This one cracks me up, too.
It's all about choices.
We made the choice 11 years ago to live solely on one income.
We may not be driving the latest and greatest cars and we don't have a huge house payment.
When my first precious child was born we KNEW we would sacrifice whatever it took for me to be home with her full time. I tried going back to work and that lasted for three days. Three.
We have learned to live well within our means and budget for the things we feel are truly important.
PLEASE stop telling me you don't homeschool because you don't have the money.
Now that we've debunked the myths about me, you don't have any more excuses.
Please stop telling me why you CAN'T homeschool.
You and I are more alike than you would think, and I think THAT is what scares you.
Because, if I homeschool my kids, then maybe you can, too.
Reader Comments (79)
Hallelujah!!! We are SOOOO there!!! This post is stinkin' amazing Mary. Love it. LOVE it!!! Going to share this on my facebook page!!
Love it.....gonna share on my FB page.
I am with Sally. God does not call all of us down the path of homeschooling. Many of the statements you mentioned in your blog are made by people who may genuinely be trying to give you a compliment and not justifying why they do or don't homeschool. We have done private school, public school and homeschool. It all depended on what our children needed at the time. Right now, we are homeschooling one and the other is going to public school. The real issue is what is God leading you to do for your children's education. Be patient with those who are unknowing when it comes to homeschooling, adopting and physical/mental differences. You could be a "grace" oriented teacher in someone's life regarding these topics. We have them all covered in our home.
I have taught in both public and private education. Quite frankly, I prefer public education K-12 over the legalistic Christian schools I have encountered with my children. I also have not joined a homeschool group because of the legallistic overtones running rampant in these organizations.
I now teach in higher education online and in the classroom. I teach at a Christian college but many of my students aren't there for a Christian education---it is truly my mission field.
I saw your follow-up question on Facebook today about Reasons Why People Say They Can't Homeschool and wanted to reply, but didn't want those mamas that I'm referring to to see my comments :) One friend has 3 boys (ages 5, 3, and 8 months). She really wants to homeschool starting Kinder this fall, but doesn't think she can manage the boys. Her husband doesn't support the idea of homeschooling, wants the kids to be "socialized", and wants to put the kids in private school. Also, he thinks it would be too much for her to juggle with her at-home business and keeping up with the housework. Another friend DID homeschool for 2 years, but caved to the pressure by her family and put the oldest in public school this last year. She had a hard time managing her school day, wouldn't complete EVERYTHING in the curriculum and felt they weren't on track. She regrets her decision to put her oldest in school, but doesn't have the family support to keep going.
All I can say is "OH, SNAP!. Yeah, baby, you go! " And thanks for your honesty about the PATIENCE part. Sigh!!
My latest post TGINF: Thank Goodness It's Not February.
I'm not sure I've ever shouted, "Rock on, sister!" or "Bring it on!" while reading a post, but I did today:)
Love this, Mary and your straight forward, no-nonsense way of addressing these issues!
Yes, yes, yes!!! Although I was a classroom teach and it wasn't really all that beneficial when it came to homeschooling. lol
From all the responses, you already know you nailed this.
I have one child. So I get "why would you homeschool, you just have one child!" Because you know, most people who homeschool have 8+ children and dress like prairie girls. lol
Anyway - I love this.
LOVE!
Emily
I just stumbled across your blog this morning, and I love it :) Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I hear those things all the time too!
Ouch! Quit taking away all of my "excuses"! :-) I do believe that God will use this homeschooling endeavor to mold me and break down various barriers I have created.
I was told just yesterday that a friend couldn't homeschool because her kids "needed the socialization" (so my kids live in a box??) and she doesn't have the knowledge. I responded with "sometimes I wish my kids had a bit LESS of a social life because they run me ragged, and its certainly a lot better than sitting silently at a desk. And I hope you're not saying you're too stupid to teach your kids, as that is certainly not true!"
I get soooooooooooo tired of the socialization excuse! Between co op, AWANA, horse riding, church/Sunday school, church choir, play dates...holy goodness! In contrast, we went to my public schooled neice's birthday party the other day. She had invited "friends" from her class. Not only did my sister not know any of the parents (I am friends with allnof my kid's friend's parents) but my neice didn't know all of her guest's names!! There is very little socialization in public school...they have to sit silently at their desks, walk silently in a row down the hall, talk for a few minutes during their 1/2 hour of lunch, or maybe visit during tbr occasional recess they might get. Besides...we socialize our dog. We RAISE our children!
"You're far more organized than I am. I could never keep on top of things the way you do."
I think I should have gotten an award for "Furthest Distance Coffee Has Been Snorted" that day.
Or my personal favorite...
"But my husband would never get involved the way yours does."
My husband was the reason that my two middle sons stayed in school as long as they did. Yes, ten years on, he's as committed to it as I am. But he was adamantly opposed in the beginning...and it was only due to some awful circumstances with our second son that he finally allowed the boys to all come home for school. I've actually caught this same man reading news articles and saying (OUT LOUD), "well it's such a good thing OUR boys don't have to worry about..."
Very encouraging to hear...I'm just starting our journey with my preschooler. I can only image the comments that are coming since we don't know ANYONE doing what we are going to do. I might have to reread this several times...thanks.
I think people don't understand that patience is just sticking with the work until it's finished. I can totally relate to someone if they say they don't want to put the energy and work into homeschool. It's really closer to the truth anyway. I was so excited to see that someone else was tired of unsolicited 'I can't do that' remarks!
Thank you for your words. We just stated home schooling, and this had been greatly encouraging!
I loved this! We home school as well and have received some of these very excuses from others. I've been the recipient of great blessings in getting to know my children so much better. Oh, and the Lord has revealed all sorts of impatience in me too! ouch.
You left the saddest one of all off the list - "How do you stand to be around your children all day, every day? I couldn't homeschool because they would drive me crazy." I usually just smile, but inside I am thinking - why do you even have kids if you can't stand to be around them?
This will not be a popular response and not sure you'll even post it but I am a certified teacher and my local school board supports home schooling by providing a teacher-facilitator to each family to help with program planning, delivery and assessment. I was such a facilitator and I worked with about 100 families with kids of all ages over the course of about 3 years in that role. I want to tell you that while some families did an AMAZING job of schooling their kids, many, many did not. In fact I would say that the vast majority of the kids I saw were being done a massive disservice by well-meaning parents who believed that the experiences they were giving their kids were superior to what they would get in a classroom. They were wrong. On so many levels and in so many ways, they were wrong.
The premise of homeschooling is that kids can learn at their own pace and can follow their own interests. This is unquestionably ideal - and undeniably difficult to accomplish in a classroom, which is why what kids learn gets chunked into yearly blocks and doled out by the grade.
The idea of a solid homeschooling curriculum is that you should aim to have your kids on par (or ahead of) their dayschool peers by the end of Grade 12. This is a grand dream that very seldom happens in reality. I saw many a little kid start out on par with his dayschool peers and then get further and further behind over time. Why? Because most of the time, a parent with good intentions and a handful of math and grammar books simply can't provide the depth of experience that a teacher can. Homeschool parents also have no basis for comparison to the larger public and are therefore out of touch with what is really expected of a student if he wants to compete at the post-secondary level. They imagine their child to be on par, don't know how to know for sure, and therefore do nothing to remediate.
Homeschoolers seem to believe that because they have 12 years to get their child up to par (to compete with dayschool kids) there's no rush to have them develop skills. All the while you are thinking that, dayschool kids are beavering away, practicing skills over and over and over again. It's about mastery. I now work at a university, and with alarming regularity I see homeschool parents trying to get their kids accepted even though they have no formal test results. They argue that they have tested their kids (since they are the teacher). The university gives these kids an equivalency exam, and significantly more than half the time they fail and have to do formal upgrading before they're let in.
I know that all of you reading this who are homeschoolers are shaking your heads and thinking that I am not talking about you because you're "doing it right". And maybe I'm not. I hope for the sake of your child and his ability to compete as an adult that I'm not. Time will tell.
I did want to share a fantastic resource to help you know what your child should be able to do in terms of writing at any given point along the way. http://www.bced.gov.bc.ca/perf_stands/writing.htm. This website shows you real kid writing AT, ABOVE, and BELOW grade level in several main areas of writing and explains what makes it so. Hope it's helpful to some.
I am not against homeschooling and I recognize that there are legitimate reasons to do it. It is indeed a thing that anyone can do. But I really would caution you that it is NOT something that anyone can do well.
Interesting blog post regarding one family's choice for public school: http://cevallosfamilyadoption.com/frequently-asked-friday-public-school/?wprptest2=1
I think this is a great post. I do have to say, however, that having children listen to their elected official speak is not such a bad thing. Parents forget that they have the ability to discuss topics with their kids each day. Having frequent discussions about politics and the way our government works, and having lively conversation about what certain policies and ideas might mean to each person can truly make THINKERS out of our children.
Some parents make the mistake of allowing/insisting that our public schools be the sole source of information and learning. We send one of our kids to school (one of our others goes for a few specials one day a week, and the 3rd stays home completely right now). We still supplement the education of the child that goes to school with our own lessons and opportunities for learning and discussion at home. We have an environment in our home where we discuss current events as well as many other topics.
So, to say that such information being presented at school is a basis for pulling kids out of school, doesn't give children and families the benefit of the doubt to be able to take all the info presented to them from all sources (school, family, church, the news, etc) and make educated decisions. I know that's not exactly what you were implying, but I felt this point begged for another viewpoint.
I couldn't agree with you more that there is an environment in public schools that is less-than-wonderful for our children. It starts with corrupt and/or inept administrators who put pressure on teachers (some of whom may be well-intentioned but feel their hands are tied....I was one such teacher, by the way and I suspect you were as well) to squash individualism and creativity in favor of the cookie-cutter boxed curriculum in a rats-in-a-cage environment. Because there isn't enough morals and respect being taught at home, schools bear the brunt of wild kids spreading bad habits, cruelty and other ills onto other students.
It's becoming a broken system, and it is no wonder that homeschooling is increasing 7% faster than public school enrollment. Folks are fed up, but they forget that kind, respectful and loving behavior starts at HOME. Creating THINKERS and lifelong learners starts at HOME. We can't have chaos at home and expect our kids to go off to school and not pass that along.
We need to take more responsibility as parents to create an environment in our own homes that encourages learning, thinking, creating. We need to take more responsibility to show our children several sides to every issue and allow them to come to their own conclusions about what their idea of being "good citizens of the world" means to them. Without that daily conversation, taking time to actually BE with our kids and spend quality time with them, we will lose them to that section of society that is more than happy to take broken kids and give them a place where they feel they can belong.
Bev,
I am also an educator (who is currently taking time off to focus on homeschooling). I had some similar thoughts as you, however I think there are some gaps in your theory that may need tweaking.
1. Just because a student is not learning the exact same carbon-copy cookie-cutter curriculum as their same-age peers, does not mean they are "falling behind". Some students may be "ahead" of their same-age peers in some areas, and "behind" in others, because they are going on their family's chosen method of curriculum. My son, for example, is 2 full grades ahead of his same-age peers in reading and reading comprehension, and a full grade ahead in math. We studied about Ancient Egypt this year, while his same-age peers worked on map skills (which we won't work on until next year...but his same age peers wont learn about Ancient Egypt for another 2 years most likely). So, sure, if you tested him on his map skills, he'd seem "behind", but he knows Egypt is in Africa, which I suspect a majority of his peers have no clue about. It doesn't make him behind, it simply makes his knowledge different from what his school is currently teaching.
2. Homeschooling allows kids to focus more on their own personal interests and skills. Someone who wants to become a doctor, for example, may focus more on science and less on history (for example). They may not hone their math skills beyond a certain level and find they need to play a little "catch-up" when they take college entrance exams to discover they didn't learn enough math yet. They would then likely be forced to take an adult education class or other class to catch up before they can then go on to college. Yes, that probably happens frequently, especially in the "unschoolers" community, which tends to skimp on any formal lessons at all unless the child specifically shows an interest in it (I disagree with unschooling on that point, to be sure, because I agree it doesn't prepare a child well enough for college).
You cannot compare apples to oranges and expect to be able to make an educated assessment about what a child has learned in a year, or even over several years. Having said that, I have to agree that some families do not do enough research to find out what prerequisites a child will need for most typical colleges to ensure their child learns those skills ahead of time. As an educator, I use learning results but only as a suggestion and not a hard-and-fast rule dictating what skills should be learned in any specific "grade".
While I do not think you need to be an educator to be able to homeschool your child, I admit it does help me realize that my kids will need XYZ amounts of math, language arts, social studies, science, fine arts and physical education/health and to ensure they get those. I want my kids to have a good foundation when they go off to college. I disagree, however, that they need to exactly follow the public school course, or learn every single skill in those subjects. I never personally found much use for finding the slope of a line in my adult life, for example. It's nice to be introduced to it, of course, but I never enjoyed math and wished I didn't have so much of it forced upon me when in school. Algebra 1 and geometry would have sufficed, in my opinion....since clearly I did not then go off to college to study to become a math teacher ;)
Amen to that!
Seriously, can we have this in a printable PDF form or should I just print the whole blog page and put that in my purse?
You know what I mean, and I know a lot of other moms do as well so I pinned this at super fast speeds!
"I couldn't stand having to spend that much time with my kids. I love sending them to school so I can be free of them. Ha ha." That's the response which makes me want to cry each time I hear it. I have no reply to that, just pity for the parents and sadness for the kids.
AMEN!!!!!! I've wrote about this before on my personal blog because the assumptions are just ignorant!!! Go Mary!! I feel you 100%!!
I sometimes tire of reading negative divisive blogs on homeschooling. I have many family members who home school, and so quite a few links to articles such as these find their way to my facebook page. Where is the compassion for the mom who works outside the home? I'd say it is absent. I work outside the home, as a teacher. I do not spend a lot of time justifying my choice. I do not spend a lot of time criticizing those who have made different choices. If work from home moms, or moms who home school, run into small minded people who make offensive comments, they are not alone. When I was a single mom, I actually had some one say to me "I could never leave my child in day care." These kind of comments are a part of life. We all deal with them, regardless of what we choose. It is really sad, to see yet another negative rant.