Stop Telling Me Why You Can't Homeschool
Tuesday, March 5, 2013 at 5:00AM
You normally read this blog and things are happy and bright.
Today, however, something is bothering me.
A LOT.
Let me set the stage:
Now that I've been homeschooling several years, people come to me with questions.
LOTS of questions.
I am happy to talk about homeschooling and answer legitmate questions.
I am happy to share our story and encourage you on your journey.
People I randomly meet (or actually already know well) also feel very free, however, to tell me why they CAN'T homeschool.
I think they tell me these things because they assume some things about me.
Let's talk about those.
Common Assumptions About Me:
I Must Have A Lot of Patience
This one is actually laughable. In fact, someone we met at lunch the other day told me she could never homeschool because she doesn't have nearly the patience I do.
I think my eleven year old daughter just about spit her drink out at that one.
I am a very IMPATIENT person. I regularly lose my cool with my kids. I get frustrated when something isn't done on time. I get frustrated if things don't go my way.
But guess what? Homeschooling is teaching me patience, and I think perhaps God called me to homeschool because I am so wretchedly impatient!
Actually, it's easier for people to think I'm some patient sort of saint, because then they can say,
"Well, I'm not nearly as patient as SHE is. There's no way I could homeschool my kids."
That's just a load of junk.
Sorry, but it is.
Please stop telling me you don't have any patience.
I Must Be Incredibly Religious
I would say about 90% of people I encounter think our family homeschools for religious reasons.
Guess what?
That was a motivating factor in our decision, but not THE biggest one.
I just KNEW in my heart I could do it better myself (educate my children).
When the children at my daughter's school were herded into the cafeteria to watch the president address the school children and pump them full of government speak, that was it for us.
I grew up going to public school. I taught in public school.
Public school is a beautiful IDEAL.
I cannot, however, sacrifice my children for an IDEAL.
I've found all of our faiths growing deeper because we are able to spend more time together, spend time appreciating and studying God's word and creation, and just realizing our God given potentials at our own pace.
Therefore, while we don't say we homeschool for religious reasons, we homeschool because we feel this is the path God has chosen for our family.
Please stop telling me you would be the only person homeschooling in your church or family. (I have been in both of those positions, by the way.)
I Want to Shelter My Children
This is another laughable assumption.
I actually want my children to experience MORE of life and that's why I keep them out of school.
I do, however, want to protect them from drugs, sex, bullies, and ideas that promote a radical agenda.
My husband and I feel that in our home we are equipping them (through lots of conversation, faith experiences, and healthy friendships) to stand on their own two feet when they leave our home.
Hopefully our children will be able to defend their faith, make proper choices, and stand up to the evils of this world.
I'm sure they will make mistakes, but they make lots of mistakes right now.
Who doesn't?
Please stop telling me you don't want to shelter your children.
It's Easy for Me To Homeschool Because I Was a Teacher
This is another funny one.
I was an elementary MUSIC teacher.
I never learned to teach a child to read, do long division, or write an essay.
I am really good at singing silly songs, learning about composers, and large crowd control.
The only qualification I have to teach my own children is that they BELONG TO ME!
Please stop telling me you aren't qualified to teach your children (this just makes me sad).
You Must Have Enough Money To Stay At Home
Ok. This one cracks me up, too.
It's all about choices.
We made the choice 11 years ago to live solely on one income.
We may not be driving the latest and greatest cars and we don't have a huge house payment.
When my first precious child was born we KNEW we would sacrifice whatever it took for me to be home with her full time. I tried going back to work and that lasted for three days. Three.
We have learned to live well within our means and budget for the things we feel are truly important.
PLEASE stop telling me you don't homeschool because you don't have the money.
Now that we've debunked the myths about me, you don't have any more excuses.
Please stop telling me why you CAN'T homeschool.
You and I are more alike than you would think, and I think THAT is what scares you.
Because, if I homeschool my kids, then maybe you can, too.
Reader Comments (79)
I often wonder what this response is all about - the "I could never do that" response. We've barely started homeschooling, but this response doesn't surprise me because I've heard the same about breastfeeding, using cloth diapers, living on one income, purchasing organic food, purchasing our meat at the farmer's market, as well as a host of other dietary decisions, like not eating soy. All of these choices we've made haven't been easy for us either! That's what I don't understand about the response. Do other people really think it's all been easy for us? Not easy but wonderful, fulfilling, and just plain right for us. I think people are defensive about it, and I'm not sure why because we've never implied to anyone that they should be doing what we do.
I get these as well as "oh you must be so busy and with six little ones as well" or "whatabout socialization and testing they need both or they will fail in life" it makes me laugh so hard sometimes I also feel like saying "yes but I like my kids and dont want to send them to a strangers to be babysat all day" Thank you so much for this post really needed to hear I was not alone
Love this!!! I've heard all of these many times. The one that always seems to make me laugh is about having been a teacher. I don't think my time in a classroom prepared me for much more than classroom management, and that is hardly helpful at home!
Oh, and I am so not patient. Just ask my 9-year-old :)
I often hear, "Oh, well you can homeschool because you taught school before." I am always quick to respond, "Because I have taught in both public school and homeschool, I can tell you that a teaching certificate is absolutely not necessary to homeschool. A competent, literate parent is well qualified to teach their children."
As many other commenters before me have said: great post! When non-homeschoolers say such things to me, I think two things: how is it I look so competent to the outside world & yet feel so incompetent (as in the patience example) and maybe I am crazy to homeschool! But I love it, even if there are lots of times I think I'm not doing it right (it is only my 2nd year after all).
I LOVED this post! I get all of those same statements made about us, and you explained them so well!!! Thanks for being honest and giving me a way to respond:)
Thank you! Well said.
Fabulous post, Mary! I think we all {usually} hear these comments and take them at face value...considering the source ;) We've been homeschooling since the get go six years ago and I have heard some doosies! The most recent run on this has been well intending people who after agreeing that what we do is wonderful admit that "they could never do what I do!" Makes me wonder if I am just super special {not} or that is their polite way of trying to make me feel good about what I do while they are disagreeing. Either way, it is just fine because I know that I have been called to do what I do and am proud to do it and would not have it any other way :-)
Some day I may even ask that well intending person, just why that is that they could never do what I do!
Excellent post, Mary. I did a post not long ago on the very same topic. I focused on the patience and the budget thing. You are right. It is most definitely about choices.
Mary, I remember when I didn't think I could homeschool for these very reasons. I think you may have had similar hesitations at one time. It's a blessing to be on the other side. I pray we can all lovingly share our good days and bad days with others. Sharing only the good sets others up for failure. Sharing only the bad doesn't help. But, real, loving and authentic does. That is what helped me with my final fears of homeschooling.
YES! How very true. I tell people who say these things to me... "Choosing to homeschool is like choosing to do any NEW JOB. First you have to figure out what is required of you, then you have to determine what you need to do to meet those requriements to the best of your ability. So it all comes down to making the choice to do it."
Excellent post. I'm Pinning this one!
The first thing everyone says is, "I don't think I could do it...I'm not patient enough." I say, "No one's patient enough!" ;)
Loved this post!
Hi! I respect your right to homeschool and applaud you! We homeschooled for 2 years and felt God calling us to send our children to public school, (my husband had private and public school experience, I attended only public) 3 years later I was offered a position in the public school where God provides opportunities and open doors with students and co-workers alike. I truly believe every family is called differently and we each need to answer to His call and be obedient. I do not believe in bashing anyone or second guessing their decision. So when you make the repeated statements that "you said", I don't ever recall meeting you, but I wish you many blessings on your journey. Stand confident in your calling. :)
High five! Sometimes it just helps to write it out. It sure helped me with the Are Your Children Socialized? So many basic assumptions by those who just don't know or are just curious. Great post!
I loved reading your answers, Mary! As a private schooling parent of 3 who is trying to decide whether to homeschool one or both of my younger kids (3rd and 5th grades), I am sure I was one of the people who commented on the "lack of patience" thing...and the "I'm not as organized as you "thing...simply because jumping into homeschooling can seem like jumping off a cliff with no bungee cord attached. Homeschooling is an ideal situation for lots of families- and for those of us who are curious about it, sometimes we come across as complete nut-jobs in conversation when in fact, all we want is to pick your brains about every little thing you do to during a school day or year. And doing that would REALLY make us look like crazies!
So please allow me to apologize for all of us who ask the insanely stupid questions of you experienced homeschoolers. :)
LOVE IT! ! !
You took the words right out of my mouth! This is it exactly!
Great post!
Thank You!!!
Nice post Mary! That last line is compelling. Bravo!!
I love this post so much! Way to go for preachin' it, sister!! I get so many of these all the time TOO!! Although, I do not believe that homeschooling is for everyone, I do believe there are many that feel convicted to do so and they talk themselves out of it with excuses like these.
This is the first time I have visited your blog. It has been so refreshing. My thoughts exactly and I have enjoyed the fellowship. Thanks so much. I will be sharing.
The one I have gotten a few times was this one: " I talked to my kids and THEY don't want to be homeschooled!" My thought:" Of course not! They know YOU don't want them around." Sad... we have been conditioned to NOT like our kids. And we buy into that lie! Very sad. :(
Preach!! I hear those kinds of excuses and assumptions all the time, and it makes me laugh that folks actually believe I'm patient or have some special gifting in order to homeschool. I've shared this post in a couple places, and want to thank you for saying so well what so many homeschoolers think.
I homeschooled my son for 6 years. , 7 to 12 grade, He was suppose to been having extra help classes in reading and understanding , well he was suppose to meet up with a teacher everyday, he would come home from school and tell me she wouldn't be there. so I went to school with him two different times and she wouldn't show up. I wanted to see this for the third time she didn't show up , I went straight to the office and told them that I was taking him out of school and homeschoolng him. He is now 28 years old and I am very proud of the man that he has become. I feel that I taught him more about real live and real life situations then he would have learned in school. At first I went through alot of harrassment with my friends and family. , but they have praised me now
on how smart he is. I am not taking all the credit. But I am glad that I took the time with him.
As an ex-public school music teacher who sent her oldest child to school for two years, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you just wrote! Well said! Thank you!
Well said! I knew in my mind "there was no way I could homeschool!" It was by being around moms like you, who are like me, that I learned I could and the desire quickly followed. This whole post just made me giggle. Thank you!
Huzzah! No excuses! if something is on your heart...then learn more and try it (this isn't just for homeschooling)
http://remnantofremnant.blogspot.com/2013/03/merely-players-shakespearean-life.html These are my 1st two girls in their 6th year of their Shakespeare program