Don't Lose Mom
Wednesday, August 1, 2012 at 5:00AM 
A homeschooling friend on Facebook recently posted that she was putting her son in an online public school this coming year. She said she no longer wanted to be his full-time teacher, just his mom. As I read her post and the sweet encouraging words in the comments that followed, I realized that thereʼs a bit of that pull in me too. Maybe thereʼs a bit in all of us.
With all that we do with our kids- facilitating, teaching, correcting, training, grading- in the name of homeschooling, is it true perhaps that we are in danger of losing “Mom”?
As we come upon a new school year after “summer light” learning, I feel the need to be very intentional about how I negotiate my many roles. In an ideal world, maybe there would be no defined roles and our homeschooling life would be seamless, learning happening round the clock in gentle and joyful ways. We as homeschooling moms would float between algebra and laundry and kissing boo-boos and setting up the sprinkler and making muffins and sight word practice with the greatest of ease, never feeling fatigued or snappish, and always speaking softly.
But in my house it doesnʼt always work that way. I find that extended read aloud time (something I love to do) only happens on school days because I covet those hours on weekends and off days. The sheer amount of time it takes to plan and implement a school day seems to put “Mom” on the back burner. As “Teacher”, the frustration I experience when a child has significant trouble with a certain subject canʼt be set aside by going home for the day, because I already am home.
I have no answers, nor do I think for every bit of wrestling in our lives there needs to be one. I simply want my eyes to be open for opportunities to love and give grace, open to the distance between Teacher and Mom on any given day, and reach a hand out in alliance to both of these, my main roles, as I navigate our school year.
Am I Mom and Teacher both? Yes, by my own blessed choice. Do these different-but- same women have the same goals, the same dreams for my children? Yes, because they both come from a heart turned toward both them and the Lord.
So this year, as I add a fourth child officially to my attendance roster as Teacher, I will continue to remind myself that I was Mom first. That maybe an occasional day off to just chill out together- play games, run errands while singing aloud to worship CDs in the car, eat cookies, and purposefully give ourselves milk moustaches- will keep a healthy balance, and allow Mom her rightful place in my childrenʼs hearts.
What can you do to make sure you donʼt lose Mom this year? Are you with me in giving it some intentional thought?
Special thanks to Christine, from Fruit in Season, for guest posting today. Christine homeschools her four children, is a musician, bibliophile, runner, and online encourager. I'm honored she agreed to participate in the Homeschool Guest series!
Reader Comments (14)
Just in response to your friend. I have four kids in the online schools right now. It is the only way we can afford to keep them at home. She will still be the teacher. You can ask questions from the teacher and do the online classes, but on a day to day basis she will still be doing the bulk of the work. The support from the staff can be nice. But it truly does not replace what we have to do at home.
As for not losing mom this year, I continually trying to find ways to accomplish that.
That is a wonderful response to her feelings. Thank you for posting this! I know she felt like it was a bit of a failure. :)
For myself, my goals this year are to make my own music practice happen in the "just before school" time in the mornings. This has been a challenge, because I have this computer that wants to take over . . . but music is a big part of who I am, and I want my kids to see who I am. And for the nurturing part, I also want to make breakfast food preparation a priority (it's an important thing I can give to my kids and husband-- FOOD-- nourishment as the day is getting started).
I have been thinking about your post a lot, Christine -- remembering that not everything has to be a learning opportunity, and not every little thing needs to be corrected in my children -- I want to be more fun this year... more of the "mom" they will turn to in any situation. Thank you so much for posting.
Great goals, Diane! And Mary- you and me both, my friend. I love having you as a companion on this journey, as we both learn and grow.
Thank you so much for addressing this struggle!
I too put my oldest in an online school for a year (2 years ago) and she and I both ended up hating it. My reason for putting her there? I wanted to focus on being mom to her and not teacher. That absolutely did not work out. I still ended up being teacher, and we had the added frustration of dealing with a medium she didn't like (she prefers real books, not reading on the computer). It was a good learning experience for us both!
I definitely feel the tug to be mom more than teacher, but teacher is the role I default to most often (maybe because I WAS a teacher before having children? I don't know.) Anyway, this post really resonates with me. Thank you!
Thanks for posting. As a mom who's crossed the homeschool/public school line several times over the years, it's always scary.
It's great to see such a balanced outlook. My heart is always as "MOM" first and teacher second.
Joleen
This post resonated with me as well! During this first full year of homeschooling I did notice that I was less fun and loving, more likely to be short tempered or sharp with my kids. I also completely agree with the sentiments about coveting my hours when we aren't schooling--I didn't want to play a non-educational game or cuddle at bedtime, I just wanted some space and alone time. Unfortunately that meant less time just being together doing fun or relaxing activities. Part of the reason to homeschool is to be together more, but I worried it was less enjoyable time and more work time!
I had already been thinking of this and have been working on two small changes to start: when I ask them to do something (like pick up the Legos on the floor AGAIN) I am trying to use a kind voice and not the drill sergeant one I had formed a habit of using. I also am trying to hand out smiles and hugs frequently. Even when I'm consciously doing it and at first it feels forced, it seems to end up with all of us feeling more positive.
Here's praying all of us can find the healthy balance between mom and teacher!
This post hiit the nail on the head! It is hard to balance everything and can become overwhelming. Thank you for the reminder that we are not alone & that we need to be intentional about thinking about it! I shared this with my facebook readers here: https://www.facebook.com/LivingLifeIntentionally
Beth =-)
I don't know about this thing of losing Mom. Maybe that happens with the ones that are teachers and leave their careers to homeschool their kids??
I have my kids enrolled in different activities and I see how they respond to their teachers and it's completely different from the way they respond to me. To them I am their MOM, 100% of the time. Yes, I still teach them (the unschooling way while playing, cleaning, cooking and living life) but I am first of all their Mom all day long 24/7.
And Moms aren't always fun and loving. At least not in my world. :)
Thanks for your thoughts, Tereza. It may be part of the teacher mentality in me. Perhaps it's just another way the school system altered our ways of thinking. Moms aren't always fun and loving in my world either, LOL!
I homeschool my 4 children and run a working farm while my husband works 7 days a week. I completely understand how duties, priorities, goals,deadlines and pressure from your husband can hide the mommy you want to be. Last year I participated in 30 min in 30 days where you purposefully played with your children without the goal of teaching. Everyday. 30 minutes. We'd go in the play room and play with cars, kick the soccer ball around, play dress up, etc. Don't get me wrong, I had played with my kids before, but setting everything aside no matter what and doing it every day for 30 minutes each day with no goal in mind was so fantastic. No preoccupation. I wouldn't allow myself to think about the dishes, dinner or anything else other than playing. It was and is so rewarding and eye opening.
I have always believed that homeschooling is the most rewarding "hard" thing I do. I feel like quitting each and every year and yet the Lord has encouraged me to press on. Each year is taken on a year by year basis. I have used online public schools, charters, and my own curriculum. I think the thing to remember is that each of us has to do what's best for our family (including mom) and sometimes that means change. Change is unnerving, isn't it? I have homeschooled through birthing my last 3 sons and managing one child's medical needs (over 10 surgeries and countless MRI/CT Scans) and I have never fit anyone else's mold.
I can always find more (or 100) things to do. I think we all need to be encouraged to do what's best for our families.
You did a great job with this post! I was greatly encouraged.