Having the Courage to Be Different - No Fear Homeschooling
Monday, February 17, 2014 at 5:00AM 
Dropping my daughter off at public school Kindergarten left me feeling sick, helpless, and alone. I drove away from school that day, with a throng of parents who had just chosen the EXACT SAME PATH for their child.
Why did I feel so alone?
Something was nagging at me. Maybe it was the industrial-looking cubbies with the children's names written on them. Perhaps it was being ushered out of the school quickly as if I was an unwanted guest. Or maybe it was the fear that she wouldn't be put on the correct bus to be delivered home that afternoon.
{That fear came true a few weeks later, but that's a story for another day.}
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Lacking Courage
Eight years ago I was a mom that lacked COURAGE.
In fact, I lacked courage for the next three years of my daughter's life. I sat by and watched as she was put through "gifted and talented" testing and told (to her face) that she wasn't gifted. I watched the librarian tell her she could only choose books from a certain section of the library because those books were at her "level". And I watched her fall asleep each night as I read beautiful literature to her (because I couldn't stand the textbook junk she was getting during the day).
I grew a backbone during third grade.
It was parent-teacher conference time. The teacher's words to me were: "Anna is a lovely girl. She is by no means 'gifted", but she is so willing to please and I think this will take her far." What kind of a year would my daughter be having with a teacher that had such low expectations of her?
(Keep in mind, I have a Master's Degree in Educational Leadership and Supervision. Having a teacher on your staff that speaks like this to a parent is unacceptable. I spoke with the principal, but she didn't find it to be a problem. I think my knowledge of the "system" was threatening to her.)
My husband and I pulled her out of school the following week and we have never looked back.
I wish, when my children were pre-school age, that I had had the courage to be different. I wish I had chosen to walk the homeschool path.
I always have asked God to direct me where my children were concerned, but why didn't I respond?
I want to shout from the rooftops why we now love homeschooling, and shake all of those moms that come to me with EXCUSES about why they can't homeschool.
Stop Telling Me Why You Can't Homeschool!
No Fear
Your children are so much more important than your pride, your free time, or what your friends and relatives think. They are more important than a second income (and by the way, I figured out a way to work at home when we started homeschooling), fancy cars, a big mortgage, or a yearly vacation to the beach. They are more important than cultivating your own personal hobbies or having "me time".
Having the courage to be different requires sacrifice and great personal examination.
Having the courage to homeschool requires you place fear aside (or confront it head on).
- My child won't have any friends.
- How will I know what they need to learn?
- My child won't listen to me; but they will listen to a "teacher".
- They won't be able to participate in extracurricular sports.
- How will they get into college?
- How will I socialize them?
- What will I DO with them all day?
The list could go on and on....
Advice for My Younger Self
I'm thankful we have been homeschooling my daughter since third grade. My son has never been to traditional school. We have become part of a large homeschooling community in our area where we find support and encouragement on a daily basis. Some of my closest friends are homeschoolers, and as each year goes by homeschool feels more like what we have "always done" instead of a choice we made five years ago.
Still, however, I have some advice for my younger self - and maybe some of it can apply to YOU. I constantly remind myself of these things.
Take it for what it's worth. I'm a homeschool mom that has traveled the path of self-discovery the past five years.
1. Approval is overrated. Live according to the Bible, and seek to please God, your husband and children. Be very careful about who you confide in and take advice from. Less is more.
2. You have what it takes. If you are willing to learn, love your child, and can model inquisitiveness, your can homeschool your child. You do NOT need a math degree for your child to learn upper level math. You do NOT need fancy lab equipment to teach science. Be confident that your child is getting exactly what they need from you, and that God fills in the "gaps".
3. Choose your activities carefully. Many groups aren't homeschool friendly. Homeschooling is a lifestyle, not just an educational choice. This may mean you will be the only mom on the baseball team that isn't in favor of playing travel ball. It might mean you look at the youth program in your church with more of a critical eye. It isn't always popular to have your children involved in just one activity, or maybe none. Have the courage to do what is best for YOUR CHILDREN.
4. Prepare to be misunderstood/excluded. I am the type of person who has always craved approval. I'm getting over that rather quickly. So much of what a homeschool parent does on a daily basis isn't seen by others. You will not be able to volunteer for everything - but people will think you are "home all day" and why can't you help? You will be in a social gathering of adults and (unless they are homeschoolers) sometimes you feel left out of the conversation. I've learned that this is OK. We are forging a bold path for our families that doesn't make sense to some. Have the courage to stay on that path!
5. Don't stress so much. Your children are young for such a brief time. Embrace the wonder in the elementary years. Read good books, go on nature walks, take field trips. Be silly. You are cultivating a precious spirit - that is homeschooling. Don't put grades in a grade book when they are little. Don't give them a standardized test (unless you have to).
And by all means - don't make them read boring textbooks!
These books in particular have helped me along this homeschool journey. It's important to surround yourself with as much encouragement as you can get - on many days a book at the end of the day is my best friend!
Educating The Whole Hearted Child
What about YOU? Do you have any advice for your younger homeschooling (or maybe wanna be homeschooling) self? Share it in the comments below! I will try to post some pieces of that advice on my blog's Facebook page throughout the week!
*This post is a part of the iHomeschool Network's blog hop, Advice for My Younger Self. Take some time to read the wisdom from other bloggers in this series.
Reader Comments (25)
2nd grade - youngest daughter. The only time I have ever questioned a report card grade. A low score on inference for reading. I taught Lilah to read at age 4 because she wanted to. Like you we read quality literature because I could not stand what she was reading in school. Like you, I have experience in education (a masters in elementary ed) and I personally tested her and knew she was reading several levels above 2nd grade. This was/is a great teacher. I wanted her for Lilah. But her response was baffling. "I gave her a 2 because I have not taught it yet."
WHAT? Teachers assume because they have not taught it yet, the child simply has not learned it yet. I strongly disagreed with this statement and just a few weeks later she was out of school and is reading all the time, books of her own choice and books that I recommend (like Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper) and she has never ever had to choose from a bin with books such as Puppy Palace.
It is hard to go against the grain, especially when all of your friends are signing their kids up for Kindergarten "round-up". I felt like a slacker mom some days, but I felt like I was doing the right thing and so did my husband. It's hard to be different, but homeschooling has been a good choice for us.
What a great testimony for battling the fear homeschool moms face! Be encouraged ladies...have a few standby answers prepared for those who don't understand your choice to homeschool.
I have chosen to homeschool and I'm ok with being different from most of my friends. I am fortunate to know many homeschool families that are a big encouragement. But I have a question about what you said about a second income. I teach piano at home and it has worked out so far to both homeschool and teach. But I see it getting more difficult the older my son gets. Is it something you just have to downsize or do you feel it is too much to manage working, even from home, and homeschooling. Just looking for opinions from veteran homeschoolers, since we are just beginning. I appreciate any insights!
This is such a beautiful, heartfelt post! I had the EXACT same feelings when I took our oldest to kindergarten. We finished that year in public school, and never looked back! Our youngest went to pre-school for a year, but has been home since. We are in our 6th year homeschooling now, and wouldn't change it for the world! Asking God for guidance, and then have the faith to follow His path for you. I hear from parents all the time, "oh, I don't know how you do it. I could NEVER homeschool my little Johnny!".... Well, you could. If you have no fear...
LOVE this post. Thanks for sharing it!
I love this post, Mary. It is so right on. Life is too short to be rigid, fearful or to care what others think. My oldest is 22 and I only homeschooled him through high school - it makes me sad that I didn't realize when he and I were younger, that it would go by so fast. I know God called me to homeschool at the time He appointed, but I often wonder, "what if" I had found it sooner.
Off to share your post!
I love every word of this post Mary! We never put our kids in school but felt the same way as you described at the very thought! After homeschooling now for 18 years I have to say that your advice is spot on. Go forth bravely mamas!!
I just started homeschooling my oldest a few months ago and will bring my other child home next year as well. My only regret is that we even bothered sending them to school for any part of this year when we had already been talking about homeschooling for a while. My daughter only stayed in school for two months this year. My son is staying until the end of the year, but it is getting to the point where every day I have to take him breaks my heart. He is miserable, and that makes me miserable. He, however, is in second grade with a fabulous teacher, and I know it is best for him to finish learning from her for a little while longer.
I just wanted to say thankl you so much for writing this. It really helped me and spoke to my heart. It was much needed and very appreciated!! May God Bless you in a very special way !! Thank You ~ Amy
We pulled our girls from public school when they were 3rd and 1st grade respectively, so I can relate to your journey. Some times I wish we had done it sooner, but in many ways, those years in public school help me KNOW that homeschooling is right for us. There is value to be had in being able to make that comparison. When we have rough days and my girls are unhappy, I remind them this is better than public school where they had to ________. They agree and we all find patience to keep moving.
Well written ! I taught elementary school for 10 years and really loved it! When my first child was born in 2004 I never thought I would homeschool..but here I am. None of my children have ever been to traditional school and we would not have it any other way. I know many of my former colleagues do not understand my choice. I can sense their disapproval and they question my choice often. My in laws have asked if what we are doing is even legal....lol I would never presume to tell others how to raise their children and am always shocked when others try to tell me how I should school mine. I do not mind explaining our families choice to homeschool to others who are really interested in the lifestyle, but I have become very quick to shut down any negative conversations with strangers or friends about how I am ruining my children.
Thank you, thank you for this encouragement! I just *knew* a traditional classroom wasn't right for my son -- and two weeks in a kindergarten classroom removed any doubt. Homeschool is challenging, wonderful, and such a blessing. Thank you, Mary!
I was lucky in that I never struggled with the decision even though it made us different. I would tell my younger self to relax and enjoy the moment - you can never teach everything and you'll drive yourself and your kids crazy if you try. I just wish we'd been able to afford one family holiday as well as homeschool. No regrets through - the sacrifices were and continue to be worth it.
My biggest mistake for the first couple of years was trying to recreate school at home, until I read the greatest advice- "Why try to imitate something that obviously ISN'T WORKING?" Be flexible and open to new ideas. Let your children have a say in what they're learning. That's what they'll remember the most.
I think my advice for my younger homeschooling self would have been to get into a routine that includes daily quiet time/nap time. This one thing matters so much for our large family. With eight children in the house most of the time we ALL need a period of quiet time to just be on our own - Mommy included!
My other piece of advice is to trust the process. We do not need to teach everything in one year and we will not improve every area in a single year. Homeschooling gives us time. Being patient and consistent yields progress over time.
As a homeschool Mom to teen boys and have been at this for 3 years now-my first hugest question is HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MAKE MONEY WHILE HOMESCHOOLING? I can't lie but that's my biggest question. Thereafter, I am actually not a homeschool Mom since we are actually under a public school program-K12. It's hard because we still have to do everything the public school does and it SUCKS! I'm hoping I can get the courage to break away from it and as a Master in Education as well, I still am indoctrinated to standards, benchmarks and testing. It's horribly how I'm brainwashed-prayers needed.
Well said! It is an encouragement to me just to see how many families are choosing to home school. I love that we are part of this movement. I have found that by changing the terminology of "traditional school" to "brick and mortar" or better yet "government school", it really cements it in my mind that we are making the right choice for our family. After all, what we are doing is traditional, it is how everyone was taught not so long ago, at home or in a one room community school house. I am so glad to have stumbled upon your blog!
We made the decision to home school at the Thanksgiving Day break in the school year. This was due mainly to finding out HOW to withdraw him and how to legally educate him....in 1982. It was not POPULAR to home school then, and horrid things were happening to those that did by the 'legal community' on behalf of the school districts. As hard as it was...we had 5 kids that we home schooled through high school, so I was doing this from 1982-2011(Just shy of a 30 year retirement! LOL)... we have never regretted it, and none of our kids have either. We did stop calling it home school, though, because we realized we were naturally following a learned pattern from a failed institution. We didn't want to mimic a public school classroom so we started calling it Home Education. That freed my mind from feeling stressed if I didn't have them staring at text books. It really is the little things! :D My main concern for anyone asking ME if they should Home Educate is...have you sought God's desire for your family in this area? I fully believe that having a conviction that God wants it for your family, is vital! It is what you will stand on when 'everybody and their mothers' speak against you and your husband(personal attacks) because you're ruining your children! What we found was the truth behind their attacks was usually fear because they weren't being obedient to the Lord in this area for whatever reason, and their kids were unsafe and they knew it. Anyway, step out in OBEDIENCE, only. Even though I think it is the best way, I don't know what God has for your family's future! So, vaya con Dios!
This is me!! My 5th child had a horrible time adjusting to Kindergarten. Back then, I thought there was nothing I could do. He HAD to go to school. It felt wrong dropping him off every day. My mind set has completely changed since then! Now I think "No he doesn't!" I pulled him mid-year in 3rd grade (last month.) He was having constant headaches, always wanting to stay home or get picked up early. I had planned to homeschool next year, but decided to take the plunge rather last minute. A few days after I pulled him, I pulled my 12yo daughter as well. She was hating middle school. My 2 younger children will never go. We are just about a month in. I am still figuring it out, but I am so glad we did it and I will never look back!
I homeschooled my daughter from 4th grade to graduation and started 3 of my 4 boys. Although we are using a charter school due to some personal illness, my heart's desire is to start independently homeschooling again. Boys are such different learners than girls, but they are so fun and adventurous. Love your website and have gained so much encouragement from the wisdom and resources you have.
Diana
This is awesome. So beautifully written. Thank you!
I can relate so much. I was convinced I could NEVER homeschool until I had to because we were out of options with my middle son. Now, though he's at a private school I made the choice to homeschool my two youngest for as long as I can. I was afraid but having worked in the school system I feel confident now in my ability to teach them at home. I would encourage young moms considering homeschooling to pray about it and just give it a try, you can always put them back in school but you just might not ever want to. It's not easy but it doesn't have to be as hard as you think either.
I have learned a lot of these things myself recently. I have learned, the hard way, who I can confide in and who I need to keep my thoughts to myself around ;) Great post and so glad I found it!
What a wonderful post and one that I wish I had read when I followed God's leading and started homeschooling my first child when she was entering 2nd grade. I felt everything you felt.... Hating her being gone all day and wondering why I was so different from all of my friends who were also public schooling their kids and were thrilled that their kids were gone all day (they used to have champagne parties on the first day of school at the bus stop each year). Having very similar discussions with my daughter's kindergarten and first grade teachers about her testing off of the charts in reading and "sorry, there is nothing I can do for her... she can't be in challenging classes until 5th grade." And "she can't read any library books that are at her reading level, so she will only be allowed to check out these easy readers", and having my daughter's teacher in 1st grade make her an "assistant" and she would quiz all of her peers on math timed tests during recess because she finished the timed tests the first time around and this was the lesson plan for the rest of the year in math. When we decided to homeschool, after a LOT of praying and hearing from God, we were bombarded with questions and disparaging remarks from family and friends. "How will she ever go to college? You aren't a teacher... you have a business degree. What about PROM? How do you know what to teach her? Does the government check up on you or do you get to do whatever you want? " Well let me tell you... We graduated this first child this past June (2013) from homeschool at the age of 17! She scored in the top 9% of the country on the ACT. She has taken this year off to work and decide how she wants her future to look (work or college) and she applied to the local university that is known all over the Midwest for it's education program and she was accepted, invited into the honors program and offered a small academic scholarship!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! WHATEVER GOD CALLS YOU TO DO , HE EQUIPS YOU TO DO!!!!
(Some small background facts: We have 3 other children we are homeschooling (ages 2, 5 and 13). While my 1st daughter was in high school she was diagnosed with a chronic illness and she even skipped a grade. We also have moved across the country 3 times during those 10 years, and we have been a one income family (mid range salary) for the whole 10 years.)
It took me a very long time to believe I could do it, but this year we pulled all our children from public school and brought them home. Technically they are part of a charter school, but I choose their materials and we turn in a few pieces of work and must take state tests. I have made it clear to my children that their test score do not matter and is not tied to their value in any way. I've lost a couple of friends over this,my neighbors have changed the way they talk to me, until my in-laws had a question/answer session with my elementary aged children about radioactivity (chem-E career), they did not trust me to do this. I have a list of offensives through out the years where public school failed my family. The thing I hated the most, was that I was no longer the "authority" for my children, the teacher took that place and I fought hard to get it back. I look forward to my 2 youngest being entirely schooled at home. I have 11 and graduated 2 through public school. I could write your entire post and many of the comments. I still have a long way to go to get a great pattern for each day, but I won't give up.