How I Shelter My Children
Thursday, September 12, 2013 at 5:00AM
The topic of homeschool and socialization is quite honestly boring.
I've heard it all.
Won't your homeschooled children be unsocialized?
Do you think you are preparing them for the real world?
Children need to go to school to learn how to "socialize".
You can't shelter them forever.
What I realize now is that these criticisms aren't mean spirited or malicious. They are simply the wonderings of misinformed or uniformed people who have trouble keeping their opinions to themselves.
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Sadly, I have encountered this attitude among people in my life. Sometimes they are relationships/people worth winning over and saving. I realize it took ME several years to warm up to the idea of homeschooling, so I get the reservations.
{Sometimes I just loan them the book: Weapons of Mass Instruction, which is quite an eye opener into the world of compulsory schooling!}
Other times, it's best just to part ways.
Can you relate?
Obviously my husband and I do not believe we need a large "school" environment to socialize our children. We do, however, believe in choosing quality activities and peer groups for our children, so they can learn PROPER socialization and not be at the mercy of harmful influences.
Why do we have to "buy into" society's definition of socialization?
So when people accuse me of sheltering my children - they are CORRECT.
I DO shelter my children. It is my God given duty to train my children up in the way they should go. After all, I don't answer to the critics.
All this being said, I believe it is important to selectively choose friends and activities for our children. I like to call it "sheltered socialization".
Wise socialization in our children's lives takes on many forms:
Organized Sports
My youngest child (who has never been to any type of formal schooling besides preschool) participates in baseball camps and teams.
Most often, he is the only homeschooled child on the team.
Musical Ensembles
My daughter sings in an auditioned children's chorus here in the Atlanta area.
Children come from homeschools and many public and private schools to sing in this elite group.
If you walked into a rehearsal you would see no two children that looked alike. The diversity is wonderful.
The director believes she is shaping PEOPLE, not musicians, and strives to create an atmosphere of honesty and trust.
Church and Volunteer Activities
We are members of a small church.
Anna participates in the youth group. She also went on a mission trip last summer with this same group of middle school youth.
My son has a sweet Sunday School class - with teachers that love and appreciate him. He has great little group of friends through our church and I love that.
Anna has volunteered at the same preschool she attended. This has been such a wonderful way for her to learn to work with small children, and also to interact with the teachers and parents.
Socialization doesn't just mean knowing how to act around other 12 year old kids. It means knowing how to function in our big world - a world that is much broader than the 4 walls of a classroom.
Friends
Yes, we are selective about the friends our children have.
I've found that through homeschooling our children are actually very content to be on their own a lot of the time. The friends they do have are friends that LAST and who they genuinely care about.
Our kids - because they aren't worried about fitting in with the crowd or impressing other people - have been more free to cultivate deep, lasting relationships.
A constant in Anna's life for the past several years has been a sweet friend Paige. I have never seen two children that have such a genuine respect and appreciation for each other. Her mother and I marvel at that. They have a lot in common, but they also are very different.
This year, my daughter is in the Challenge program at Classical Conversations. In this group she has a peer group of EIGHT children. They spend a day of school together, eat lunch together, and are forming a nice relationship with each other.
Grant is developing a great little group of friends... it's nice to be a part of Classical Conversations, where I know we are with like minded families.
During these formative years we believe it is important to create opportunities for positive socialization, so that when our children are grown and away from home they will have a solid foundation to stand on - and always a family (who was their primary socialization!) to come back to and rely on.
We are, after all, striving to raise Godly leaders for the next generation.
These are just some of the ways we "socialize" our children.
If you knew my kids you would just laugh out loud at the thought that they aren't socialized.
Really, you would.
(Sheltered, yes - unsociazlized, no.)
I'm sure you homeschoolers out there have many more examples of how you give your children positive social experiences.
Care to share them with me?
Then, visit other bloggers linked up today through the iHomeschool Network's Homeschooling and the S-Word!
Reader Comments (14)
Oh yes, there is a socialization difference between homeschooled and traditional schooled kids, but aren't all kids awkward in some social stages growing up.
I agree! This subject is boring. The only time we ever get the socialization question is from strangers out in a social place. That one just flips my lid!
Blessings, Dawn
Very nicely put! Your kids unsocialized??? So thankful we have the privilege of walking our children through life. Loosening the rope a bit, then reigning them back. My boys are young and have many responsibilities that they wouldn't even have time to do if they weren't here throughout the day. The great thing is that as the parents, we get to choose all of these things! For some reason (I honestly have no idea why) for the past couple of weeks, my nine-year-old son has been saying, "Mom, you are awesome!" or "You are an awesome mom!" giving me a big hug pretty much every day. And, again when I'm putting him to bed, he says the same thing. I'm wondering what I'm doing...but it's this "awesome" relationship and connection that comes from spending so much time together and working through the the fun, easy but many times HARD days with school. I think he's just coming to an age where he sees the difference and is appreciating what he has with his own family. (This has NOTHING to do with being a perfect family.)
Unsocialized because of being homeschooled? I dare you to read my facebook posts with stories of my (not so little any more) boys. It is a gift to be with my children and to lead and guide them in the way we desire. We are praying for strong, godly men who will be leaders, husbands and fathers one day. And these guys who are now just six and nine know that already!
Time to get some sweet snuggles (from the little guy) before a very busy day begins at the Green house!
...oh, and you have some very cute kids in your CC community! :-)
Great post...sometimes I feel we need to cut back on all the social things we do. Just a quick story while in Delaware last week...at the Holiday Inn Express - eating breakfast...the attendee from the hotel asked my kids "no school this week guys"...they said - yes, we are home schooled...she asked a ton of questions of me...all positive...then she came over to me about 20 mins later..and said "I have to tell you in the years I have worked here, I have NEVER had children of your kids age act so politely and calmly...kids are usually loud, throwing things, running around"...I smiled and said thank you. Made feel good to see that my children know how to act in public places and how to interact with adults properly.
Social, smocial....that's what I say! LOL XO
We have six girls ( all grown) all went to a wonderful catholic school . We took the last two out and homeschooled high school....o my it was wonderful!!! Wish we would have homeschooled from the very beginning.it was the best experience for both girls... One is a nurse and the other is just about to start nursing school. They both have a live of learning that the others didn't acquire till much later in life!!!! Good for you homeschool moms!!!! You are giving your children and yourself something that is priceless!!!! Good for you!!!
Pinned this!
--Gena
I've been meaning to write a post on how I shelter my kids. LOL!
Great post, Mary.
This question gets asked so much of homeschoolers. And sometimes it doesn't even get asked, it is just assumed that homeschoolers will be unsocialized and that "sheltering" them is a bad thing. I love your take on this!
I am constantly told how well my 2 sons play together. Relatives and friends comment on how they don't fight with each other or even argue. When we are out in public at restaurants, etc. I am told how well they behave by service people. To me this is true socialization, knowing how to interact with others. My sons disagree (believe me!), but it is done in a respectful way (most of the time :) ). Socialization is showing respect and consideration for others.
My kids are young -almost 3 and 13 months- but even now I can tell a difference between my homeschooling and kids in pre k. My kids occupy themselves for longer than the kids I watch after school. It isn't unsocialized, I am able to direct how my kids are socialized. Hopefully making them able to fit better in society as they grow up.
"What I realize now is that these criticisms aren't mean spirited or malicious. They are simply the wonderings of misinformed or uniformed people who have trouble keeping their opinions to themselves."
Yes. Exactly.
One of my nieces is incredibly outgoing. She is constantly walking up to other kids--her age or otherwise--and asking if they want to play or color. I'll often smile and say, "She's homeschooled. Too bad she isn't more socialized." [grin]
~Luke
Whenever we meet other people and my kids hold interesting conversations with adults and children alike, I joke "Sorry about all the talking ; my kids are homeschooled. They are afraid of people." :)
But yeah, like you my kids are involved in many activities but still I like to sit around and watch over them. I found that in some places they do not welcome parents to sit in and watch. Usually my kids do not stay. If I, as a parent, can't sit in and watch then my kids are not staying either.
Loved this article! Gives some great examples of how we can socialise our children, thinking outside the box of school. Answers a lot of questions I have been asked by family and friends too, so I've shared it :)