Homeschooling Changes Your Priorities
Monday, July 29, 2013 at 5:00AM
Each year as the beginning of the traditional school year approaches, I contemplate our family's decision to homeschool.
That decision took us a few years, and now I can see that those years were well spent. We were slowly being trained to change our priorities and soften our hearts towards our children.
All of the seasoned homeschoolers out there are scratching their heads saying, "Well yes, homeschooling DOES change your priorities."
I speak from experience, however, when I say that I had no idea just how MUCH homeschooling was going to change my priorities - my priorities as a mother, as a wife, and as a person in general.
{We are going into year FIVE of our homeschool journey, so I feel that I've learned quite a bit along the way.}
*This post contains affiliate links.
I'm writing this post for those of you that are new to homeschooling this year, those of you contemplating homeschooling, and yes - maybe even those of you further along the journey.
I believe many people would LOVE to homeschool but just can't wrap their head around the changes that really need to be made to do it successfully. Not only can't they comprehend the changes, but maybe they actually DO comprehend the changes and just aren't willing to make the sacrifices necessary to homeschool their children.
And guess what?
That's OK.
Homeschooling is a daunting, difficult, task.
If you aren't willing to make the priority changes necessary to homeschool, you and your children will wind up unhappy and resentful. Homeschooling isn't for everyone, and I respect each family's educational choice. My goal here is to talk about the necessary changes that will take place when you start homeschooling.
Let's go over those changes. Remember, I speak from the perspective of having had a child in public school until the third grade, so I understand what you are going (and will go) through.
I believe, however, that once you make the huge priority shift necessary to homeschool your family members' lives will be changed for the BETTER.
Personal Space
I loved my personal space when my kids were in school. I'm talking about my physical personal space.
I thought it was my RIGHT to have time alone while my children were in school. One thing that actually came out of my mouth before my youngest headed to 5 day preschool was, "I have EARNED this freedom from my children. I worked hard over the past 8 years raising babies. Now it's time for ME."
How utterly selfish and misguided I was.
I am the type of person who needs quiet each day. I need to recharge my batteries with silence.
Guess what? Kids are like this, too.
I discovered I have children that need to recharge, also. That is why we have a down time in the afternoon where we retreat to our own spaces.
I do not believe God designed our children to be away from their parents for eight hour stretches each day.
We've all learned to give each other our personal space through quiet times, reading times, outside activities, and yes - sometimes going in the bathroom and locking the door!
So yes, my personal space has been decreased, but I don't mind. I also find ways to carve out time for me in the middle of a busy day. I just have to WORK AT IT.
Suggestions:
- Have a quiet time each afternoon
- Be honest with your kids when you need a break
- Solicit help from family to get some time to yourself.
I also highly recommend my friend Rachel's Dear Mom Letters - they provide just the encouragement a new homeschool mom (or any mom, really) needs.
Developing Hobbies/Career
One of my "priorities" when both of my children got into school was to catch up on their scrapbooks.
(I guess I thought it was more important to document their past than it was to live in the present with them. Sad.)
I also had plans to restart my career and start a preschool music program for moms and kids. I was also going to grow my piano studio.
Those priorities reflected MY wants and desires.
The decision to homeschool quickly reminded me that my priorities needed to be my FAMILY. Those priorities needed to be centered around making sure my children received the best education and discipleship my husband and I could give them in the finite amount of time we have with them.
And guess what? My blog is now my scrapbook and I have started a NEW career through this site and writing the SQUILT music appreciation curriculum.
God's pretty cool like that.
Suggestions:
- If you feel like you have given up a career, find a simple job to do part time or work from home
- Starting a blog is a great outlet - iBlog is a great resource to get you started!
Finances
I have heard the financial card played so many times when people say they just can't homeschool.
I also know a lot of moms that work from home and homeschool because they want it so badly.
The decision to homeschool derailed our grand plans to bolster our savings account, save for college, and finish our basement.
Our priorities had to change.
I believe we are investing in the eternal with our children's education and the decision for me to stay home and educate them.
And, just as in the above case of restarting my career, God has provided.
I used to think success was a huge home, big vacations, and a big bank account.
I was SO very wrong.
Those things are not bad, but chasing after them at the expense of your children's precious hearts is.
I think all of this was a wake up call for me. We are MUCH better stewards of the resources God has given us, and I would like to think we are teaching our children that THINGS are temporary, but RELATIONSHIPS are eternal.
Suggestions:
- Don't buy too much curriculum - LESS IS MORE!
- Read and apply the principles in Total Money Makeover
Friendships
If you are new to the homeschooling world, your friendships over the next few years will change.
You will slowly begin to see there are so many wonderful homeschool families in this world. Those friendships have enriched my life in so many ways.
You will also begin to see your friends who TRULY support your decision to homeschool. They will be the ones who support you (even if their children go to traditional school), who speak up on your behalf, and who celebrate your successes.
You may have friends (and I'm sad to say I experienced this on a couple of fronts) that question your decision openly, or decide to belittle your decision behind your back.
All I can say is this: Trust God to provide just what you need. He will equip you with the people to lift you up and support you on this journey. Don't be afraid to disassociate yourself with someone who isn't good for you or your children.
Suggestions:
- Join a local homeschool co-op and make friends - for you and your children!
- Are you a member of a homeschool friendly church? This can make a huge difference.
- Don't be afraid to share your struggles - every single homeschool mom has them.
Future
In the world of traditional school the goal is clear: study hard, get good grades, and go to college.
Where is the wonder or the passion in that?
The way we view education has been so dramatically changed - the normal "path" after high school may not be what's best for my kids, and that's ok.
I want to raise children who become THINKING and FEELING adults. I want them to CONTRIBUTE to this world, not just perpetuate a giant system where everyone is on an assembly line to nowhere.
I don't know what the future holds, but I'm trusting God to guide my children as they mature and change.
The "future" isn't as big of a priority as it once was - or maybe I should say the "future" that is deemed acceptable by our culture isn't our prioirity anymore.
Suggestions:
- Be open to alternate paths for your children - never say never to anything.
- Read Educating The Wholehearted Child - this is a great inspiration and helped me change my way of thinking about education.
Are you new to homeschooling this year? Does any of this ring true with you?
Are you a veteran homeschooler who has seen a radical shift in your priorities?
Let's start a conversation!
By the way - this weeks eBook bundle of the week (5 ebooks for $7.40) is all about homeschooling! This is a GREAT deal, so snag it this week (beginning Monday at 8 a.m. ET).
*photo courtesy Arabella Benson (Flickr)
Reader Comments (18)
What an encouraging and realistic post, Mary! I love your thoughts and they are very true! Making the decision to homeschool is similar to making a decision to have children. It must be embraced with all your heart and soul for everyone to truly benefit. Once you make that decision to homeschool, everything changes and it is all for the good. Of course the changes can be a little overwhelming if you are not expecting them. Over the years {we're going into our seventh year} on reflection, I have realized just how GOOD the changes have been for our family and I would not change that one bit!
LOVED this post!!!! You are spot on with all of these! Thanks for sharing!!! Definitely sharing this! ;)
what a great post. well said. most of your sentiments reflect what I want to say myself. :)
saying hi from a homeschooling family here in the Philippines :)
Thank you for writing a wonderful post! Today begins the 1st day of 5th grade homeschool class for my son. I am truly thankful for the opportunity to homeschool him. I'm looking forward to a great school year.
Blessings to you & your family!
"I want to raise children who become THINKING and FEELING adults. I want them to CONTRIBUTE to this world, not just perpetuate a giant system where everyone is on an assembly line to nowhere." An assembly line to nowhere, exactly how I have felt these last few years with my boys in public school. We were all in a rat race and we didn't have the time to even get our heads up high enough to see we were going nowhere. We are in the midst of this transition from public to home. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Love your article. LOVE your comments and suggestions about personal space and freedom. I have to admit I am early in the game when I consider the grand scheme of things but I agree 100% that kids were not meant to be away from their parents 8 hours a day. I am heading in to our 3rd year of homeschooling and mine are only 3rd grd, 1st, and 2 1/2 yrs. old....we have our days that could be used to sell packaged curriculum or could be posted on pintrest as just plain "amazing." Then we have our days (sometimes lots of them) where I am barely recognizable by the time my spouse walks in the door. I have to give him kudos for still kissing me hello when my appearance could be likened to maduca and my unbrushed teeth must produce breathe that I can only imagine make him contemplate his decision to even return after work. I have often had other moms say to me (along with the popular question we all get as homeschoolers of "how do you do it") "Don't you think you'd be a better mother if you had break from them while they were in school." I have thought looooong about that question and my honest response though I don't share it is "Maybe." Then again maybe I would be a better wife if the job were only 2 days a week....however THATS NOT THE JOB OF BEING A SPOUSE!" The truth is if we were all being honest. if we had long breaks to go to coffee with friends and go to the gym, then rolled in at 2:45pm for pick-up to go do 2 hours of homework, dinner, bed by pm with our kids, we may all be more refreshed. But here we are loving our kids every day...dealing with all the magic moments and less than magic moments/ "issues" with our kids daily...instead of allowing a government paid employee to apply first aid when they fall, decide what they need to know and when, and listen to them share their thoughts when they raise their hands if time allows to call on them. I wish homeschooling was the beautiful creative pintrest kind of experience daily that I I intended it to be when we first started.The truth of it is, sometimes it's just emotionally messy as we deal with actual kids with all their personality quirks and what they are working out in their development. But here we all our day after day loving our kids through the pintrest worthy projects like solar systems that make the actual solar system God created look mundane and through the tantrums about not wanting to do their grammar. I have watched my friends struggle this Summer saying things like "It is so hard having my kids all day" I had 4 friends that totally panicked in June at the thought of 3 months with no school this Summer to send them to. I have to wonder if homeschooling doesn't create a cohesion that makes parenting EASIER. I could not imagine sending them away...okay mavbe a day or two to clean this overused house would be nice. But really I think I would have to take Xanax to deal with being apart 35-40 hours a week. The physical and emotional bond still feels the same as when they were nursing. I have watched the gorgeous 4-5 year old little Girl Scouts who were so attached to their Mommies in our troop when it started, turn in to 9 year olds that often obviously find their Mother's an annoyance and embarrassing. Not at all superior, just have to smile each meeting when my daughter asks "Mom are you gonna stay for my meeting?" "Why do you want me to?" I reply. "I was hoping you were" is usually her response each time. In those moments I know the loss of personal space is worth it! Love your honesty about your needs as a experienced homeschooler...I am putting your quiet time in to our schedule starting today...it sounds heavenly!
We made the move from public school to homeschool when my oldest girl was 3rd grade, too. Like you I had no idea how life would change, how priorities would change. We had a rough transition with all our public school friends quitting talking to us and there being no local homeschool group at the time. But as you said, God provides.
First, thank you for the kind words about my ebook. I appreciate them, Mary. Your words are a blessing to me.
Second, I love this post as it is full of wonderful and encouraging suggestions for homeschoolers in any stage of the journey. You bless many with your wisdom and kind words.
Rachel
I started to home school in Jan 2010 and had no clue how much my life would change! Or how my faith would be strengthened. I can say I've learned more on this journey than my children - about me, my marriage, my family, my priorities, my weaknesses, my motives, my goals and my God. Even though it's been difficult and challenging, I wouldn't change a moment of it. To think I used to want to drop off my children at the preschool just so I could be alone and "do what I wanted", well, that was a lifetime ago. This is what He wants me to do. Discipling children is heart transforming!
Great article!
GREAT post!!! It actually helped me "see" some extra things I was hanging onto out of selfishness (like...embarrassing to say...my facebook!) haha. But I was, it was that thing I'd do when I was bored, full well knowing I should be spending that extra time on myself, reading my bible, or LOCKING MYSELF IN MY BATHROOM! LOL. You're truthfulness in this blog was great to read. Kudos to you for your honesty!! I'm stressing for this coming year but I know somehow we will go day by day and even on the really bad days I'm promising myself to find a blessing (even just one) when all hell breaks loose and I'm doubting myself. Because yes there are those days!!
Take care & thanks for the inspiration. Here's to a really great ride this year!! :)
Great post!!!
Totally enjoyed reading this excellent post!
I really enjoyed this post. We are starting our homeschool journey in TWO DAYS! My oldest boys are 6 and 8, so last year they were both in public school. I know we are in for some big changes around here! Mommy is going to have to give up some free time (wait, with a toddler did I have any to start with???) Not sure how we are going to keep the littlest guy busy or how I am going to handle my stubborn middle child who is no doubt ready to fight me on everything. I have faith and confidence that this is the right road for us to take, and I'm hoping I don't need too much Xanax to get me through it. ;) Thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement! :)
When I asked my daughter what her favorite part of homeschooling was, she replied "Being with mom"! That was pretty amazing considering she saw my good a bad! So, it at least bought us one more year!!
"I want to raise children who become THINKING and FEELING adults. I want them to CONTRIBUTE to this world, not just perpetuate a giant system where everyone is on an assembly line to nowhere."
Possibly the biggest issue with our education system is that throughout school, we're beat into our minds that our goal in life is to go to college with hardly any direction as to what to do when we get there and where to go afterwards. Some even go as far to say that it's a crime against society not to go to college, and to me, that just sounds like indoctrination. If your desire to go to college is driven by your passion for something that requires a degree, then go for it; otherwise, it can end up just being a waste of potential.
Great post! I am homeschooling for the first time this year and time to myself is something I'm concerned about, honestly. Not that I think I deserve tons of breaks, but I have a child who is a consistent boundary pusher and it's really exhausting. I'm confident we will find a system that works as we go. I do expect much to change in our life, good and maybe not so good... I'm really looking forward to it though. We have been through a lot of stuff that has really stretched our faith and our family and God always provides and we grow exponentially from each challenge. I don't think homeschooling will be much different :)
I am new to homseschooling, and everything that you just listed in the way of sacrifices, rearranging priorities in life, and shifting my ideas of what education means in the heart and home of a child. I was a public school teacher before I started staying at home with my babies with every intention of sending my kids to either a public or private school. God completely got a hold of my heart in ways I would've never imagined. Our oldest is starting Kinder this week and it's been such a huge blessing. HUGE blessing. I love reading your blog Mary. It is a source of refreshment!!!