Letting Go of the Homeschool Ideal ~ Reflecting on 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013 at 5:00AM
2013 can be summed up in one word (at least for my family): CHANGE.
There has been much time to reflect on the past year, and that has been a blessing. It's allowed me to see that sometimes letting go of an ideal is GOOD.
We get in our heads a certain way of doing things, and changing those ways almost seems like we're throwing in the towel.
As we rang in 2013 almost a year ago, I knew our homeschool just wasn't working, but it took me several months of dealing with my pride to admit it wasn't working and then to seek out a solution.
It's hard to let go of an ideal.
Let me explain.
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Kids Grow Up
Homeschooling a four and eight year old is much different than homeschooling an eight and twelve year old.
Dare I say homeschooling the younger ones is EASIER? {Don't throw rotten tomatoes - this is just my experience!}
My background as an elementary school teacher and my love for little ones made homeschooling the elementary grades joyful, creative, and FUN. We did unit studies, lots of Five in a Row, and always had a project going.
That first year of homeschooling was nearly picture perfect. It was IDEAL (in my mind).
I had an eager, creative, bookworm third grader and a nutty (in a totally awesome way), bright Kindergartener. I was enthusiastic about homeschooling and had lots of energy.
When one of my learners entered adolescence, our homeschool began to change. She wasn't as enamored with mom's lessons anymore, and was venturing into her own area - and many times didn't think mom was the school authority.
It's hard for me to admit, but in one of my children's eyes I had lost credibility as a teacher.
I also knew that my youngest was made for memorization and math - lots of technical stuff. My interest led style of homeschooling wasn't cutting it for him anymore, either.
Long story short: No one in my homeschool was happy.
I had to be careful who I shared this with, though. Well meaning friends (who have children in traditional school) would say, "Do you think you'll send them to SCHOOL?"
Believe me, I was tempted, but I believed then, as I still firmly believe now, that our children are meant to be educated AT HOME by THEIR PARENTS. Abdicating this most important of our roles as parents is what is contributing to the erosion of our society little by little.
(stepping off soapbox...)
Moms Are Learning, Too
As a friend at church so wisely told my kids last Sunday, "Be patient with your mom - she's learning to be a mom, too." I think the same applies to homeschooling.
It was time to adjust our homeschool and make big changes, so after stopping school in April (yes - you heard me -- we didn't school from May-August) I started to investigate other options, talk to other homeschooling moms, and (most important of all), pray. The hours my husband spent fleshing this out with me are too numerous to count. His leadership was crucial.
I read Leigh Bortin's The Core and also Susan Wise Bauer's The Well Trained Mind. Both of these books spoke to me and offered more of a PLAN for our homeschool. I also had several friends in a local Classical Conversations Community.
The real selling point was that my oldest could be in a class of other children her own age, one day a week. I would still be her primary teacher, but she would have a tutor and a group of peers to interact with and gain guidance from.
After a semester of Classical Conversations under our belts I can report that I am 100% satisified with this decision. For right now, this is where my children need to be.
I now have a seventh grader who loves her Challenge A group and is proud she's learning Latin. I also have a third grader who is obsessed with LEGO Learning and loves strutcture and memorization.
This Isn't A Commercial
I'm not trying to convince you to join Classical Conversations . (But if you want to know more, visit my CC page!)
What I am trying to do is get you to evaluate your 2013.
How was it? Were your kids happy and learning? Were YOU happy and learning?
It's ok to give up on a certain ideal to pursue something else. It's ok to take a BREAK from homeschooling while you figure it out.
I love to tell people, "You're kids won't go stupid while you're not schooling them."
Quite the contrary. My kids actually flourished (and breathed a sigh of relief) when we just stopped and changed course.
If you are looking for more encouragement, I've gathered some posts together on my Homeschool Encouragement page. I know homeschooling is HARD, and often times our culture would have us believe we're wasting our time our "sheltering" our children.
They will tell you your children will miss out on extracurricular sports, "socialization", or science labs.
They will ask about plans for getting your children into college, and if you don't miss "having time for yourself".
I will tell you this: If you feel called to homeschool your children, then DO IT - keep doing it, and do whatever it takes to pursue that dream.
It might mean adjusting your ideals a bit, but you know what?
That's ok.
Tell me about your 2013. How was your homeschool year? Are you making any big adjusments as we approach 2014?
Don't miss a post from Homegrown Learners in 2014. Are you on my mailing list?
Reader Comments (14)
Oh, I totally agree with you about changing when you need to change. So many homeschool moms tell me how things are working but they feel pressure to keep going with where they are instead of taking the time to investigate a new path. I consider my homeschooling plan very fluid, and I love the flexibility to change when necessary. I am glad to hear you are happy with CC. We have a strong local group here, and while we don't do CC, I am so glad it is an option for so many families here.
Happy New Year!!!
Change can be hard, but it is so often a good thing. I am happy you found a fit that is working for you.
Blessings, Dawn
The thing I love most about homeschooling is that flexibility to change course when something isn't working. The last couple years I am (mostly) happy with what we have been doing. We have a happy mix of flexibility, fun and structure - flexibility and structure sound somewhat contradictory, but it is true. We have a routine for certain things and we are casual about others.
I love The Core and my Nolan thrives off memory work, takes a memory work class at our co-op and he also loves Legos and Minecraft, which I am incorporating more in to his school day. Even if we had a nearby CC community, I honestly don't think we'd do it. I love that it exists though and I love the creativity of CC moms who share their creations and tips on Pinterest,etc.
Have a great new year, Mary! I look forward to reading more of your adventures in homeschooling!
I needed to see this today. I had already decided to change course with 2 of my 3 kids this year, but I was feeling pressured to hurry up and make a decision so we didn't "get behind." Now I realize what I really need is time to pray and seek the right path for each child even if that means taking more time off from assigned work. Maybe what we all need is time to figure out who we are now and what that means for our home school.
I don't think we are ever meant to stop growing and changing. That's one of the many things that makes homeschooling such a beautiful choice, we can all keep growing and changing - we have tons of flexibility!
I appreciate your honesty. Too many homeschoolers give the impression that everything is always perfect. I remember way back when we began homeschooling, always feeling inadequate because we weren't doing school the way other families that I read about in magazines were doing it. Back then teaching sight words rather than phonics was actually considered to be an unGodly method, and some of my visual learners could not learn reading with phonics. Feeling like a failure can be so destructive. I was devastated when one of my sons requested a "real" Algebra teacher! Fortunately we were able to join a bunch of teens who were also using Saxon Math meeting with a tutor once a week and that satisfied my son! Change can be good! Happy New Year, Mary!
Thanks once again for your honesty, Mary.
That is where we are right now. I totally agree that homeschooling little ones is WAY easier than tweens. We've been in a horrible rut since my oldest hit ten and to tell you the truth things are not working the way they used to. Compliance and attitudes are a huge issue now where they never were before and there have been times this year where I feel like it just is not going the way I would like it to. Like you, I am praying fiercely and looking at things differently and *trying* my best to be patient and wait for His direction for us as I know that they are where they should be, but, at times it is very hard. I have been thinking about CC too, but, there is not a CC community where I live :(
Our first year we changed curriculum three times! Now we're satisfied with the mix we have though we're adding in some other things as I'm not satisfied with the upper grades of science and history in ABeka with my eldest going into seventh grade next year I think we're going to do Apalogia for him for science, though I still haven't nailed down history.
I love this post Mary! SO happy that you are being REAL because it helps to hear we are not alone. I find us going through the same changes this year and your words are so comforting and inspirational! Blessings to you and your sweet kids!!
I pinned this article earlier today but just didn't have time to read it. I sat down a while ago to read some of the posts I had pinned earlier and told myself..."I'll read one more and then to bed I go." I am SO happy I read one more post. I have been struggling this year. Our 2013 has been really difficult for many reasons. But we did have a baby, which is a huge blessing, but has totally thrown our hsing off track...in addition to all the other STUFF we've had to deal with this year. I've had several friends tell me I should probably just put the kids in school. BUt in the back of my mind I feel like...we love to homeschool. I do not want to give this up. I know its the right thing for our family. I also have been reading about CC in the last several months, but I thought since we have never done it before its probably too late to start (my oldest will be a 7th grader next year.) You have put some wind back in my sales about hsing. It doesn't have to be perfect right now. And that's ok. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your struggles, as well as the positive side of your homeschool. You are a wonderful encouragement to so many homeschooling families. My family knows you as "Lego Mary" because I'm constantly talking about something you post. You have introduced me to so many new things. Our boys are a lot alike, as I type Drew is reading a sports trivia book to dad. He has a birthday coming up and we are going to get him some Snap Circuits (thanks to you) and of course LEGO's. Thank you again for all your hard work and know you really are appreciated!!
Excellent, Mary! The key ingredient in your wisdom is prayer! Something I know is terribly lacking in my journey as a homeschooling mom. We're in our fifth year and SO much of what you've shared I could have written myself. Especially, the part about losing credibility. I have felt that this year for the first time. Thankfully, I'm starting to get some clarity after a much needed winter break! Wishing you all the best in 2014!
As a new homeschooling family and a new CC family ourselves this year (two 1st graders and a 4th grader); I am so happy that you decided to give a classical education & CC a try. All of the fears I had leading up to homeschooling and CC have been answered within this first semester of study. We are having a great time learning together! I would encourage any homeschooling parent, who may be in need of a change or questioning their current method of study to look into the CC curriculum and either join a local CC community or study the material on their own!
I've rather felt like our homeschool this fall hasn't really been working, which is rather frustrating to me, but I know it was our season of life and everything going on.
I'm thinking as I sit here with my little daughter asleep in the bed next to me (that's a long story), I'm gonna spend some time brainstorming for next year.