Irrational (but Understandable) Homeschool Fears/Part I
Monday, September 17, 2012 at 6:37PM 
I hope you will join me for a short series: Irrational (but Understandable) Homeschool Fears. Part I is today and Part II will publish in one week.
I can write about this topic because I have BEEN THERE.
You see, I was that mom who seriously considered homeschooling on several occasions. I was that mom who just KNEW education could be SO MUCH MORE. I was the mom who "afterschooled" each day my daughter was in public school.
I am, also, ashamed to admit I was the mom who (through ignorance and fear) criticized homeschooling families. I one time said these exact words out loud to a friend: "She homeschools her children because she is scared to death of what she will do with herself when they are school age." What an ignorant, hurtful thing to say.
When it comes down to it, I was FEARFUL. I was IMMATURE, and I was SELFISH. (Please don't think I am calling all parents who put their children in school fearful, immature, and selfish... I am speaking of myself only! Most parents make the best decisions for their children at that point in time. It serves no purpose to critize others who don't share our choices.)
I was simply a product of the "machine" - that educational establishment and our whole culture, really, that tells us SCHOOL is the only way to be EDUCATED. Nearly four years ago my husband and I had enough. We finally had the confidence to do what should have done from the very beginning. (It's so telling to go back and read a post I wrote - Why We Homeschool - we were so frustrated with public education.)
In the past few weeks this subject of homeschool fears has been laid on my heart each and every day. Perhaps it is because I have a dear friend whose child is struggling in a new public school situation. I can hear it in her voice when I talk to her that she wants to make a change and she just doesn't quite know how. I try to listen and not "indoctrinate"... but I have offered to show her in detail what our homeschool day looks like.
Maybe it was the mom who approached me at baseball practice last week. She asked me if she could sit with me and talk about homeschool. She had so many questions. She truly wants something BETTER for her bright and precocious first grade son. She has two children and said she has always thought about homeschooling.
I see so much of myself in others who are "sitting on the homeschool fence". I have been there. I am praying daily for God to give me wisdom and graceful words to minister to these moms - and to be a homeschool ambassador.
I thank GOD for the enlightnment He has bestowed upon my husband I... the enlightenment that gave us the courage to educate our children at home... the enlightenment that showed me my children's education should NOT BE LEFT TO OTHERS... the enlightenment that has helped us to NOT FOLLOW THE CROWD. After all, my children are growing exponentially, and I want to say that I made the most of every minute with them.
I've been thinking about the FEARS I had about homeschooling, and if I acknowledge and write about them how it will help me to better minister to moms I meet who have those same fears.
Will I Have Any Time For Myself?
If I'm being honest.... no, you won't! But, you have to decide if you want time for yourself, or your children's hearts and minds. I will have years to shop, eat lunch with friends, decorate my home, go to the gym... all of those things I did when my children were in school that seem so trivial and meaningless now.
And guess what? There comes a time when you can leave your children at home and go out for a breather every now and then. You can trade childcare with other moms, and you can always make your own quiet time at home.
If you have had the "freedom" of having children in school full time it will be a hard adjustment, but the rewards of getting to know your children so much better and learn alongside of them trump any freedom I ever had. TRULY.
My Child Will Be Lonely!
The fear of your child not having friends is one I understand. My daughter mourned the loss of her "school friends" for the first six months of homeschool. After that, however, she learned that having just a few good and faithful friends was better than a whole gaggle of (oftentimes very mean) girls her own age. We came together as a family and are much closer today.
Yes, your child may be "lonely" but you have to know that it will pass and the benefits will outweigh the short term difficulties.
This season of loneliness built great character in my daughter and I am convinced that she will be better equipped later in life to deal with times when she might be alone.
What Will My Friends and Family Think?
This one is tough, because we do all want to be accepted by others. The reality is, however, that when you decide to homeschool there will be some naysayers. Not to sound harsh, but OH WELL. As adults my husband and I forged ahead with our decision and set about the businesss of educating our children in the way we saw fit. Some family members were very supportive, others were skeptical.
My friend base drastically shifted. Most of my friends now are other homeschooling moms. Yes, I do still have some of my old friends, but a few of them just couldn't grasp this lifestyle and we slowly drifted apart.
The best decisions aren't always the most popular. Do what you know is right and have confidence in your decision.
More to come on this is Part II. For now, what are your homeschooling fears? Tell me about your journey to homeschool.... Do you feel led to be a Homeschool Ambassador in your day to day life?
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Reader Comments (17)
I often wonder what our life would have been like if I never sent Grace to Kindergarten. I read and researched homeschooling but I did not know enough about the wonderful opportunities it provides for families. It was not until I met someone at church who was homeschooling and talked to her several times that I began to think of how it would work for us in reality rather than in an abstract way.
I think knowing someone, reaching out to them and asking questions, seeing how they do things (even if it is very different from how you would homeschool) is so reassuring. This post is wonderful because it gives an honest answer to the first asked questions new families have.
Looking forward to your second installment!
Great post, Mary! Somehow homeschooling has always been in my brain, so it just feels like that is the way it is. We have other homeschoolers on my side of the family (and some who don't), but not on my husband's side. So far no one has been critical or even skeptical, at least to our faces! =)
Excellent post, Mary!! Can't wait to see next week's!
Thank you for sharing. I was never one to think that I would be homeschooling. I don't think that I ever judged anyone because I really didn't know many people who homeschooled nor did I know enough about homeschooling to make an informed decision. In seeing a family at our previous church become more involved with homeschool I began to ask questions. My son has always been in a Christian learning program but we started having problems in kindergarten as well as in school last year in 2nd grade. He was not learning. He was bored and getting into trouble. He started hating school and begging to stay home. I practically lived at the school. I didn't understand it. I prayed about it and made the decision to bring him home. It has been totally HARD! I believe that it is much better on the child if one makes the decision to homeschool early and continues that journey or I believe it would have been for my son. In saying that...I have totally seen a difference in my son over the last year since I brought him home. When he first came home, it took an act of congress to get him to read what he was suppose to do...so that was my first project. I am proud to say that he will now pick up a book on his own without my leading. Now we are tackling math and writing....I only have my dad's support and am sooooo thankful for that! I have researched and read so much about homeschooling and the positive aspects it has. I am convinced that it is probably what we need to get back to. The public school has gotten out of control. It is scary. My prayer is that our childcare will work out as I am a single mom on this journey...Believing in our Creator and the benefits I am seeing with homeschooling.
I wanted to homeschool Keilee from the beginning but I too was afraid. I was afraid I couldn't do it. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who doesn't have children and said that he would like to homeschool when he did have kids. I told him this, "I can not imagine if anyone took a month and really, truly researched homeschooling, them not wanting to homeschool their child if they were able to financially". Almost every single day something happens that brings home to me the fact that I am so blessed to be able to do this. As you know it is hard at times for me but I have never once doubted that this is what God wants me to do. I so agree with you that we need to be homeschool ambassadors. A little over a year ago Keilee was in a play with 3 kids that I really love and their Mom who I liked very much. I talked to her about homeschooling the entire time. She started out saying she couldn't do it. I emailed her information and websites and guess what? They are homeschooling this year! I still have fears but the joys so outweigh them. Love this post Mary!
I am a recovering judgemental-ist as well. Thank you for being honest, especially on the answers to these fears. Sometimes we would like to make homeschooling look so awesome that we forget to share the reality - yes we don't have as much time for ourselves, and our kids might miss out on some friendships, but we have seen that God can take care of those little issues. Great advice!
My husband and I moved our children from a public school to a private Christian school last year. My 4th grade daughter had spent most of her 3rd grade year bored because she was finished working and had to wait for the others to finish. She did get in a lot of reading time but we felt it would be better for her to be in a smaller classroom setting. My 3rd grade daughter has some behavior issues (we are waiting to have her tested, possibly aspergers) and she was getting lost in her large public school classroom. Both of the thrived last year in a classroom together with 4 other children. But this year was different, it started out very badly for my oldest who is now a 5th grader. Her teacher was not what we expected. We pulled her out on Friday of the first week of school and started homeschooling her. It was all very sudden, stressful and upsetting. Since my younger daughter will be a 5th grader next year and have that same teacher, we will be homeschooling her as well. Also next year we will have to decide what to do with our two younger kids who will be in 2nd and preschool. I appreciate all of the homeschool support I'm finding in blogs and on facebook.
I had many homeschool fears over the last 2 years as I watched my sister-in-law homeschool the first 2 of their 4 kids. Time alone wasn't one of them, but being accepted and my child bring lonely, plus other fears (being adequate enough to teach him) were right there. We didn't pull Liam out of public school for awhile because (I guess now that I think about it) in our minds there wasn't a good enough reason. Then first grade happened and by the end of the year, my heart was broken, I was in tears and wanting more for my son. We moved right after the end of the school year, so we looked into the new school and were SO uncomfortable with it. Even my husband was not ok with Liam going there. So in a VERY last minute decision (I'm talking school started in a week), we decided to keep Liam home and for me to homeschool him. I didn't get the chance to dwell on my fears because they didn't matter as much to me as making sure my son was taken care of. People have even laughed at my inadequacy fear because I have a degree in English - they just say "why wouldn't you be enough? You have a degree in English and even if you didn't, you still know your son better than anyone". So we have embarked on our very first year of homeschooling - 4 weeks in and we are both still alive and he is learning SO much. God has truly shown the way for us and made it all possible!
I was raised to think that homeschooling was a ridiculous choice. We had a family member (distant cousins that I have never met) that homeschooled their kids. The dad was a doctor and they moved around every couple of years. The kids always sounded so active--tennis lessons, theater, overseas travel...the oldest was accepted to a hard to get into film school and participated in Japanese exchange sort of programs.
And then. I grew up and had kids of my own. Our school system has one recess and does not allow talking at lunch time. For a family that encourages talking around the dinner table, I wondered how that would work for our boys!
Since our son has a late birthday, we postponed Kindergarten for a year while we researched our options. We are now on our second year of homeschool using Sonlight (which I mostly like).
There are so many more groups and things than I ever thought possible! For our boys to get a chance to take lessons that they never would have been able to in public school (and at a young age) is awesome! Fence, languages, gymnastics, swimming...it's amazing the opportunities that exist out there.
Now that we do so much traveling, we can't not do homeschool. As a parent, well, we naturally teach our children--and homeschool is just an extension of that characteristic.
This is turning into a book but it's just one of those things: if people would take the time to research it, then they would see why so many consider it!
Great encouragement to share, Mary! I think we all feel those fears at some point in our homeschool journey, and can see the wisdom in working through them. Some of what I worried about before we began homeschooling I don't even think twice about now (except for a good chuckle), but some of what I worried about has been a bit of a challenge, in a good way. I, too, had a friend shift with our choice for homeschooling. Oh, I still keep in touch with some friends, but our schedules/lifestyles don't mesh as well now. It was/is tough sometimes, but I have found a wealth of wonderful families within our local homeschool community, and might I add diverse (before homeschooling I thought there was a homeschooling mold - all families were similar - that is so not true to life!)
My most common fear is that my children are not learning what they need. (my kids have never been to school. My oldest is 9, my youngest is 2.5 y.o. I have 4 kids) But then I remember that God is in control and that He has their lives in His hands and that He orders our steps and He has good plans and future for them. Then I pray and ask Him to lead us and show us if there is anything lacking and what we need to do next. I used to be a control freak and sometimes that person still shows up now and again wanting to do everything at 200 miles per hour, but then I kick her to the curb and tell her to leave. We then relax and enjoy each day at a time and our learning journey. We are all unique and have different callings. My homeschooling life will not be the same as yours or the next mother. We (I am talking to myself!) need to learn to be comfortable in our own skin. I am beginning to be! :)
Thank you for encouraging us all, Mary! :)
Thank you for posting this! My family is 3 weeks into homeschool & we have had all these fears but God is making us stronger everyday!
Ooh, I look forward to your next post! This is our 2nd year of homeschooling. Last year I constantly worried if I was doing it right, compared my kids to public school kids. If a friend said their kid was doing x in public school, then I immediately bought whatever I needed to in order to compete. After a crazy month of wondering which curriculum to buy for this, our 2nd year, I was just thinking today about how much more confident I feel. I'll probably still worry and seek as much as possible each year when its time to order the next year's books, but it is so nice to feel like I can handle it and do it well. Tomorrow I may wake up a bundle of nerves again, or maybe next week or in two months, but today I'm enjoying the feeling of confidence. :)
Mary! What a timely article for me. I am hosting a park day tomorrow for homeschoolers that are new to homeschooling or new to our area followed by a moms' night out next week. I'll surely be sharing this info w/ my local eloop! Have also shared it on my f/b wall!
Great post, Mary! You are truly a homeschool ambassador:)
Hahaha, Mary, I remember VIVIDLY standing in a neighbor's driveway (she homeschooled) and saying, "I don't know how you homeschool, I could NEVER do that." God has a great sense of humor I think!!!
This is a great post, I just passed it along to a friend who is on the fence about homeschooling her two boys!