Don't Be the Drill Sergeant Mom
Tuesday, November 6, 2012 at 5:00AM
Friends, it's hard for me to admit this: I've lost a lot of the joy I used to feel in homeschooling. Oh, I still believe in homeschooling as much as I ever have, but I think I've lost MY sense of wonder, fun, and enthusiasm.
Somewhere along the line all of the little "tasks" in a day have taken on such importance. Math drills, grammar lessons, handwriting practice, piano practice, laundry left on the floor, dishes left on the coffee table, junk left in the van..... these little things have overtaken my life.
It's exhausting.
Why do I have trouble just relaxing and having fun with my children? (I'm assuming I'm not alone in this problem.)
Why must I always be the drill sergeant mom that make sure everything is picked up, neat and clean and all assignments completed? It exhausts me making sure everyone tows the line.
I want my precious ones to cling to memories of their youth. Life is fragile and often short. Making the most of each and every day is IMPORTANT.
Last week our Tuesday was NOT GOOD. Our last activity of the day was piano lessons. While my daughter was in the piano teacher's house, my son asked me to throw the ball. After doing this for a while, he asked me to make leaf piles.
I'm SO GLAD I said yes.
During that time something clicked within me - made me realize I'm just too STIFF and SERIOUS with my children. Watch what my funny little guy did to me as I was filming him (totally unplanned, by the way):
He FORCED me into laughter that day. I realized how little I laugh with my children in a day. It felt good to laugh, and good to enjoy my little boy. We spent some time throwing leaves at each other and made a memory.
What if I scheduled activities - the ones that truly MATTER - first? What if I left a little laundry in the basket, the rooms a little dirty, and some math undone (gasp!)?
I believe the end result would be abundantly worth it.
I think I'm going to relax... I want to make a tremendous effort to just BE with my children this fall.
Let's resolve to just have FUN with our kids! (And I'll be sure the kids are learning along the way.)
Play in the leaves
Have you ever just played in the leaves with your kids? I mean built a leaf pile, jumped in it, buried yourself in it, and then thrown leaves at your children? It's FUN, and good for the soul.
Snuggle With Good Books
Through the years I've collected some favorites:
Picture Books:
- Cranberry Thanksgiving & Cranberry Autumn
- Silly Tilly's Thanksgiving
- There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Pie
Chapter Books:
Make Your Home COZY
My kids love helping me decorate for fall. Bringing out the pumpkin candle holder in the dining room marks the beginning of the season.
I try to plan a fun recipe or craft several times a week. These might include Tricia's Easy Cake Mix Muffins, Paper Cup Turkeys, or making candles.
Invite friends and family to dinner several times and let your children plan and execute the dinner.
Fall is a time of thankfulness - let your children show their thankfulness by sharing the gift of hospitality.
Take a Fall Field Trip!
We'll be going to a Pioneer Days event with our homeschool group soon - this is always a lot of fun for everyone! Make it a point to get out and ENJOY these beautiful days with friends!
If you live near mountains, get in the car and GO! Pack your audio books and make a day of it driving and exploring new territory. Just DO SOMETHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY and be thankful you have the freedom to enjoy your children and surroundings.
Make "School" Fun!
The possibilities here are endles. I am, however, going to suggest something radical for some of you: PUT THE TEXTBOOKS AWAY! Give your children opportunities for real life, hands on learning. Read to them a lot, craft with them, bake with them, and play games!
How about Candy Mix Math? (check out these free printables) Or maybe a Fall art project (I just love Hodgepodge Mom's Pastel Tutorials!)?
Homeschool Share has a Making the Days Count Activity Calendar for November -- so many great ideas.
Please please be fun, moms -- your children want to see you enjoying life with them! Can you say they see you do that most days? (I'm not sure mine can.)
One day when my children reminisce about their childhood I don't think they'll talk about the mom who made sure they knew their multiplication tables or every preposition. I believe, however, that they will talk about the mom who played in the leaves, baked, and snuggled with them.
I'm not saying neglect the academics, but you get the point...
Don't Be a Drill Sergeant Mom!! I'm working on that, won't you join me?
Reader Comments (15)
I'm completely with you on this, Mary! I wish I could say I learned this lesson once and for all, but I think my list-making type-A personality needs frequent reminders. I agree with you that we can't neglect their education, but truly preparing them for a happy, fulfilling life is the goal. If I'm just the "drill sergeant" lacking in joy I am not really modelling what I want them to become. I need to teach them in LOVE! Thanks for the reminder.
Mary, I'm sorry you've lost some of your joy in homeschooling :( I struggle sometimes with my to-do lists and worrying about whether we're really accomplishing "enough"...but I think (I hope!) i'm getting better. I hope that you are able to rediscover your joy...in my opinion, it really is what makes life wonderful!!
I have finally, almost, let go of all the drill sergeant in me. She still rears her ugly head occasionally. Hearing Keilee talk about her 'best days' and they are always days where I let her interest lead her, makes me realize that what "I" want for homeschooling is to instill the love of learning. Then, if she decides on college or whatever, that LOVE of learning will motivate her to do anything she wants to do. It is hard for me at times, but it gets easier every day.
Oh, I totally agree with you. I just had a similar realization this weekend, when my daughter informed me that my mother was "such a fun person". I love my mom, but she wasn't *that* much fun when I was a child, but she isn't responsible for as much with a grandchild.
We played games together this weekend and skipped a few things that needed to be accomplished. I'm also branching out and creating my own studies for Christmas time that will still get in academics, but leave behind most of our current curriculum. I'm really out of my comfort zone doing this, but my daughter LOVES the Christmas season and I want her to love homeschool during that time too.
Yes, Mary! It's taken me three years to relax and not panic if the "school books" aren't opened. I try to remember that I cannot possibly teach everything to my children; in fact, as I home school I realize how little I know!! Most importantly I want to ignite the passion for learning - if I can do this for each of my four, no matter if they're behind on this subject or that, I've reached my goal. It isn't easy in our culture, but by the grace of God, I muddle through :) Thank you for this reminder today.
Oh, thank you too for the Rock Ranch link! I'm looking into it for us!
Can I saw this with total love? I haven't felt your joy in your posts in this new school year. I faithfully read your posts, because I love them. But, yours used to be the FIRST I went to. I gained so much inspiration from your delight-directed learning. Please don't take this wrong. I know that children grow, situations change, as do methods. And I know without any doubt that you are schooling your children in a prayerful way and in the way you know is best for them. But, I do sense a loss of YOUR spark.
That being said ... last night I had a dream about you. It was sometime early this morning. I dreamed that you and your husband were sitting on the couch with me. And your upper back near your neck was hurting you so bad you were crying. Your husband tried to help and you kind of pushed his hand away. I placed my hand on your back and was going to pray for you. Then I woke up. So, I prayed for you in the night. I don't know if you needed those prayers. But, geez, that had to be a prompting of the Holy Spirit. Why else would I dream that.
Hope you are doing well.
Nicole
(Great post! HAVE FUN!!)
Phenominal!
Hi Mary! This story resonates with me because it sounds so much like the way our homeschooling has become. Math puts us so far behind where I want to be and I find myself constantly frustrated when we end up not having every page on the schedule done. My daughter will lay her head on her desk in equal frustration. Your story made me realize how important it is to laugh with and enjoy my girls and how unimportant always staying on schedule and having a perfectly clean house is. Thanks for sharing:)
Hey, Mary, on this chilly, wet, November day! I DO leave the laundry unfolded, stuff stacked around (I'm a stacker), and other chores undone. I have to, or we'd never get through with anything. But I must say this is far easier for those of us who are naturally mediocre housekeepers.
My girls and I have a lot of fun together. I have a well-developed sense of the ridiculous and have been known to embarrass them on purpose in public, just so they'll quit worrying so much what everyone THINKS.
BUT. I cannot slack too much with our lessons. They are now in sixth and seventh grades, and it's time we were *serious*. I do allow for flexibility, and I'm okay with not everything getting done that was scheduled this week. There's always next week! I've found that if I am too flexible, I pay for it later: it's really difficult to get everyone back on track. One of mine does best with structure.
Great post!
It's easy to cycle from one end of the spectrum to the other - too serious then too relaxed. Finding and maintaining that balance in the middle is so hard to do! Praying for you and for all of us to better find and keep the balance for the rest of this shortening year.
Hi Mary! I started having the same feeling about six months ago. In fact, we put the girls in a Christian School for a couple of months. It was then that I realized how blessed I truly was to homeschool and that much of my stress was self-induced. LOL. I am learning to relax while still giving the girls a solid education. Balance is key. Best wishes to you!
There are times especially this time of year when we can't get outdoors as much as we would like, that I feel drained, become rigid, and a drill Sargent mom. Thank you for the reminder, the little nudge to keep things fun.
Great post Mary! I also feel that constant tension between not becoming the drill sergeant and losing the joy and between making sure the necessary things do get done. The laundry does have to get done eventually, we do have to eat something and they do have to learn things like math facts at some point. :)
It’s a good reminder though that it’s always good to do a self-check and make sure that the fun and joy aren’t constantly being sacrificed on the altar of getting things done. Tonight my middle son and I had an impromptu game of hallway soccer using a stuffed animal. The 3 yr old sister joined in and we were all screaming with laughter. Normally I would have been the person saying it was bedtime and we needed to get in bed to be able to get up tomorrow, blah blah blah. As it was we delayed bedtime by only a few minutes but the amount of fun we had was priceless.
Great post, Mary! You're definitely not alone in feeling overwhelmed by keeping all the balls in the air! It's great to see that you've realised the preciousness of just being with your children, especially when they are so young. I often experience the same struggles as you have. Let us all encourage one another in our endeavours to be the best we can be with our children.